Why isn't Pluto a planet? Because it mutilated my dog

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A chronic hemophilliac walks into a bar. He cuts himself and bleeds to death.

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Have you seen Hellen Keller's treehouse? No. It's quite nice, her father made it himself.

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What's the difference between car keys and truck keys? Literally nothing.

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What did one Platypus say to the other Platypus? Nothing, Platypuses can't talk. However, they are the only mammal to lay eggs.

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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why didnt the little boy say goodbye to his mom because he got hit by a bus

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Why did the man run away from the woman? He forgot his rape kit.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Jane from next door. Hi Jane how can I help you? Just wondering if my sister could use the spare spot on your drive tomorrow afternoon around 3pm? She is coming round for tea. I'm very sorry but my wife is due back around that time. Not a problem, thanks anyway. Have a great day. Bye Jane, see you soon, sorry again.

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69

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What happens when a chemist dies? They are given a proper funeral and buried.

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Charles Manson is innocent.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm only 13 so if you have sex with me it's illegal.

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Why did Bob get off the swing? Because he was done.

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Johns mother asked him were he had been. John simply replied the shop.

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What time is it when it is time to get a watch? About 4:30, unless its a monday.

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A black man provides has a normal day job and provides for his family while staying faithful to his wife.

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Q: What's soft, fuzzy, and lives in the woods? A: Yeti

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What did jimmy get for dinner? Food

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Kevin: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Bob: Because it's extinct? Kevin: No you idiot! The P is silent! Pterodactyl: RAARRGHH! (eats Bob)

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how many Amish men does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the likelihood of an Amish man needing to change a lightbulb is very slim.

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Why didn't john go to school? He has terminal cancer and he must stay at hospital

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Why didn't the family finish their picnic? Because a dog was sick all over the food.

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Why did the Flyers lose to the Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup? Because they aren't as good as the Blackhawks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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