How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if I had sex with your mother?

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Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my arm heals? Doctor: Did I not tell you? You insurance didn't cover the cost of this operation. Your arm is never going to be healed!

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What did the woman say to her husband after he came home from a late night of drinking? Nothing, because the last time she did, she got her ass beat.

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What did the man say to the attractive female bartender as he left the bar? Well, it's been fun but I hate you so I'm leaving to kill your entire family.

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Why was Jenny walking home alone from school? Because three years ago her parents were murdered brutally by a drug dealer and social services haven't yet realised that Jenny is still living in the empty house.

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you know what they say... hydrate or die

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You just threw a fireman and a baby out of a skyscraper... who arrived earth first? Adam and Eve. Moral: Because theology is bullshit.

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My grandmother always use to tell me "slow and steady wins the race." Well, that was before she died in a house fire.

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What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff

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How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

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What's brown and smells Iike crap? My brother he doesn't shower and is Hispanic

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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What do you call an Arab flying a plane? A pilot. *BOOM* Never mind, he was a terrorist.

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how many indians does it take to screw in a light bulb? one if it can reach 2 if it's high.One to screw in the bulb the other to hold the ladder.

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If your yacht is if moving at 50 knots per hour in a wind tunnel how many leprechauns can you fit in a chamber? Even, because purple is attracted to bestiality.

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How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?. I dont know either it was dark.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One

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What has four wheels and can fly? A flying car What else has four wheels and can fly? Another flying car

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What do you call a retarded man? Mentally challenged.

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Whats red and cant fly a plane. An apple.

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Yo mamma is so pretty, she is frequently complimented on her good looks.

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what did the hobo do when he saw timmy get hit by the bus and drop his ice cream? stole the ice cream and laughed

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What do you call a bunny with a knife in his chest? Emo

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What is big, green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree and hit you in the head, it will probably kill you? A pool table.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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