Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

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Roses are Grey, Violets are Grey, I am Colorblind...FML

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Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven? She was paralyzed.

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Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd." http://gpsphone-tracker.com/

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Why was little Jessica missing?? She was stuck in the freezer.

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What is the difference between John and John Nothing

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What was the only animal to not board the ark in pairs? Loads of animals because it didn't happen.

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What's the difference between Elisabeth Fritzl and Pope John Paul II? Pope John Paul II wasn't imprisoned and raped continuously over a 24 year period in a horrific act of cruelty by his father

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Whats the difference between a 100 dead babies and a ferrari? One is an automobile and the other is a tragic reminder that SIDS is a serious and deadly problem.

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Why did Lisa spill her drink? Her plane crashed.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? Biting into a worm and finding an apple in it.

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What do you do if you see a cat crossing the street? Hit it of course!

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Have you ever ate a donut? Yes I have. In fact, the donut I ate recently was fairly delicious.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why wasn't Hellen Keller a good driver? She didnt get her driver license...

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What's the best thing about the Pixies? Their music.

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Why did a black man bring a baseball bat to a white man's apartment? Because he was stopping by his friends house before heading to a rousing game of baseball.

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your social life.

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Whats big, purple and hairy. Has 4 eyes and 2 brains? Nothing.

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What's the number 1 tip to burning stomach fat? Lighting yourself on fire.

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knock, knock whos there child molestor

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Whats the difference between me and a ghost? What? Ghost are not dolphins

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your mom is so fat that she should probably try a deit in the neer future.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops