GIVE

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Why couldn't the morbidly obese lady order a cheeseburger? A: Because it wasn't on the menu

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Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my arm heals? Doctor: Did I not tell you? You insurance didn't cover the cost of this operation. Your arm is never going to be healed!

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A muslim checks in at an airport and gets on a plane. He reads a book about knitting, gets off the plane at France and goes back to his job as a librarian.

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What did the blind, deaf, quadriplegic boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

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A guy and a girl had sex, it was casual.

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when i walk in the living room this is what i see... Luci's big eyes are stairing at me! (Luci is a dog) (Pita is a cat) I start a hissing and a scratchin and i ain't affrid to bite her, bite her, bite her, I"M PITA AND I KNOW IT!!!

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What do you call a horse with no eyes? A horse with no eyes.

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how long does it take for a black woman to poop? depending on what she ate, about 5 to 10 minutes

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Q: What did the pope say to the prostitute he passed in the street? A: Bath & Bodyworks are having a sale

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a

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What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottishman walk into a gay bar. And why shoudn't they.

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why did Sarah fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock! who's there? not Sarah.

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What did the little boy get for Christmas? Nothing. He's Jewish.

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How do you kill a blond? You don't. If you do, you'll get reported to the cops and sent to jail.

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When life gives you oranges, make lemonade.

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how much blow can charlie sheen hold up his nose? enough to kill Two and A Half Men

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yo mama so dumb that we sat her down to take a standardized, comprehensive IQ test measuring spatial, logical, linguistic, and memorization abilities. Her aggregate score was an 87, indicated she is roughly one standard deviation below the mean of the population, which is not low enough to qualify for government assistance under the Americans with Disabilities Act (1990) but does impede her understanding of more complex abstract concepts and things pertaining to higher culture. In spite of this, she has raised a child of average intelligence, and has retained the same job at Walgreen's for 14 years, People seem to like her because she is polite and rarely late. Your mother is an inspiration to low-IQ people living in high-IQ developed countries, demonstrating that an inability to fully understand abstracts does necessarily lead to a life of meagerness and frustration, so long as you work hard, keep your spirits high, and accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior.

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why did the puppy have a sticky tongue? because its owner was abusive and made the puppy lick peanut butter from his balls

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guy 1... "do you no any funny jokes?" guy2 ..."no" guy1 ..."same"

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I've got a boner

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Eating chicken off a baby's ass

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What's worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The spelling errors on anti-jokes.com

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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