What do you do when life gives you Oranges? You make lemonade and life wonders how you did it

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Women's rights.

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What is the difference between a priest and a nun? Cant you see the nun is dead you insensitive bastard!

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Your blood is red. Your bruises are blue. I have a gun. Now drag your carcass away from my residence.

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What's black, white and red all over? A cow after slaughter.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

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A man is walking down the beach and he spots an antique looking lamp in the sand, he picks it up and rubs it. Nothing happens and the man begins to cry realizing that his life is so dismal and pathetic he was ready to believe he had found a magic lamp. He proceeds to run into the water and bash himself senseless with a large rock until he passes out and drowns.

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When is a door not a door? Never.

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year old's? I am twenty one and prefer older ladies as I find them more experienced and mature.

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-Ask me if i'm a crab. -Are you a crab? -No, why would i be a crab?

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What did the doctor say to the other doctor? She is a goner.

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So I'm at the office and I tell this guy, "Hey can you pass me the stapler. But when you pass it over, make sure there are staples in it 'cause if not, I can't staple anything."

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How do you confuse a chicken? Paint yourself black and throw seeds at it.

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You know the drill, the world is not as black and white as it was before, just because we are not on the same side, does not make us enemies either. As for whatever is going on, I can assure you I had nothing to do with the fall of the first underground, and neither will I make sure whatever you scraped together, large or small falls either, I realize I should have thought this trough some more, but we had little time to act on this one.

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What's worse than losing a board game? Cannibalism.

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What's johnny's favorite bedtime story? The sound of the subway. Johnny and his father are homeless and can't afford bedtime stories

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Why doesnt a chicken wear pants? Because its pecker is on his head.

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1,000 people get out of a plane , who hits the ground first? The DEAD guy!!!!

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Why did the swing fall off the girl? I have dyslexia

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Three guys walk into a bar. They each have a few drinks. Then all three leave responsibly in a taxi.

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What did one stool say to the other stool? Stools don't speak!

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text your mom saying you need help, then turn on vibrate and shove the phone up your ass.

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Llega San Pedro le dice a dios y se va.

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Why did the man suck at basketball? Because he is white, 5 foot 2, and has no arms. Posted By: Lram

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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