I woke up today

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A ghost walks into a bar. Nobody sees it because it is a supernatural entity.

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A girl hears a noise in the middle of the night in her kitchen downstairs. She walks down halfway through the staircase and asks if anyone is there, as if the intruder will say, "Yes, I'm in the kitchen. Want me to make you a sandwich?" *This will never happen. Movies are stupid when it comes to these scenes. No one will actually ask if anybody is there if they hear a noise in the middle of the night.*

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What did the old lady call the black pilot who's name was Marcus? Marcus

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fun fact for the day: 100% of people that drink water die sooner or later

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Why did Hayden Bryant walk down the street? Because he can, dont doubt Hayden Bryant.

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Roses are green Violets are grey Tulips are a lighter grey I am colorblind.

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a homeless man walks into a bar, the bartender and patrons treat him nicely, and sympathize for his current situation.

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Q:Where was The Declaration of Independence signed? A: At the bottom

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Why do I hate food? I don't.

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What did the elephant say to the poacher? Answer: Dear God in heaven, please don't kill me for my ivory.

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How do you drown a fish? You don't...

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A man walks into a bar. He then proceeds to get severe concussion, goes to hospital and dies three days later after suffering multiple brain haemorrhages.

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Q: Why was the prostitute's mouth sore? A: She had multiple cavities due to poor dental hygiene.

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Whats the difference between a lemon and an ant? They're both yellow except for the lemon.

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why did the fish get flushed down the drain? because it was dead

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Guy1:should I ask this girl out? Guy2:NO!!!!!!! Guy1:????????

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In this case, its black operations, but simply in the term that its a well secret something, its not a lets say, organization that breaks the law, kidnaps listens to phones uses wires, which the FBI does. And when I mean I am a employee, I might have spoken a bit over my head here (sorry, lightheaded), you could well, simply put, I am something between a delivery boy and a mercenary, not the kind that shoots and kills (my shape sucks anyways), but rather the kind that "facilitates" communications between organizations... Thats all I can say without breaking laws that technically do not exist.

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My did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are trapped on a desert island. As they investigate the island to find food and shelter they find a magic lamp. Together they rub the lamp and sure enough a genie appears and tells them he will grant each of them a single wish. The brunette goes first and wishes to be back home. The genie claps his hands and she appears in her house, where her husband and children are waiting for her. She is happy that her ordeal is behind her and to see her loved ones. The redhead goes next and also wishes to be back home. The genie claps his hands and she appears in her house. She is not married and has no kids, but she has 2 cats. She is happy to be through her ordeal and to see her beloved pets. The blonde went last and also wished to be sent home. The genie clapped his hands and she appeared back in her house. She wasn't married, and had no kids or pets, but she was still happy that her ordeal was over.

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What do you calk a couple of friends hanging out? An intimate get-together.

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What did the elephant say to the other elephant? We're both elephants!

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Whats green and smells like grass? Grass scented air freshener, in a green colored can.

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Why did the man go bra shopping? Cause he is a single father and his teenage daughter needs a new one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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