Why does a black man break into a car? Because he had closed the windows and locked his keys inside.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have cancer."

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Take My Wife- Because as it stands, I'm having frequent, toe-curling, unprotected sex with your wife. And that just doesnt seem fair.

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Person 1: What's 2+2? Person 2: 4 Person 1: Oh, you already heard that one.

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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why did Stevie Wonder run a stop sign? he was changing his CD's and missed it.

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A 65 year old man is tired with his life. He begins to realize that it is meaningless to him. He wants no part in the world anymore so he decided to commit suicide. On his way to commit suicide, he comes across a magical man that has an extraordinary offer. This magical man has offered to grant the 65 year old man the power to fly. The 65 year old man, accepts the offer in great interest, but the magical man wants something in return for his deed. The 65 year old man, offers all the money in his wallet to the magical man. The magical man accepts his offer of all the money and continues. With a flick of the wrist, the magical man says, "fly, fly, high as the sky, i grant this man the ability to fly". The 65 year old man is greatly excited now that he has the ability to fly. He cant wait to try out his new power. He runs to the nearest cliff and jumps. Too bad the "magical man" was really a male prostitute that was broke and homeless. The 65 year old man died on impact and the male prostitue walked away with a wallet full of cash.

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My mom told me about a funnel they make for women now that they can use to pee standing up. I told her it was a ploy to promote feminism.

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Every 20 seconds, a child in africa starves to death... Every 30 seconds, an obese american teen stuffs their face with McDonalds

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how do you kill a bear. -you shoot it.

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Snapple fact #572: You're a terrible person.

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How are a bucket and a purple shovel alike? Coincidentally they both are registered sex offenders.

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Why was the baby smoking? He was locked in a hot car.

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Why did girl cry? Because she recently saw the messy demise of her parent's marriage.

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how are a plum and a rabbit the same? they are both purple except the rabbit

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What's worst than getting glass stuck in your foot? Rubbing lotion on a fork.

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If at first you don't succeed.... maybe skydiving isn't for you...

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Hey buddy what's up? I justed wanted to know if you wanted to hang out tonight. Just call me and tell me what you wanna do. Ok that's it see ya. Oh yeah! I gave your mom an STD...sorry dude...it just happened. I hope your dad isn't mad. Again, really sorry. Ok bye.

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What do you call it when a homosexual from spain is forced to have sex with a 400 pound black man? Rape

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Why can't blondes change a lightbulb? Because they're women

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Person A: Hey! Whats up? Person B: Suicide rates...

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How's a raven like a writing desk. you really are alice.

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knock knock who's there? Kallie Kallie who? sorry, wrong house

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what's blue and white and red all over? -nothing the "red all over" part implies a contradiction to blue and white.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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