how doyou wake up lady gaga youu poke er face

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Bariande: I have a belly button Kraken: haha who doesnt? MissAwkward: i dont Barinade: neither do i. haha this happened on tiny chat.

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Why did the black man buy a gun? because he wanted to go hunting.

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whats worse than 4 dead monkeys? 5 dead monkeys.

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2 persons in an elevator then, one guy says: dude! smells like your sister! and the other guy is not there

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 2,091,029,203,284,485,389,684,564,345,089,859,849,485,374,094,394,584,584.00002394832323945834958349234854343432323343534342323243543534234358394564023285409564053942304923049234 x 10 to the 1234543565342312323560845834034th power divided by 0.

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A man and a hobo meet on a narrow path. What does the hobo do? Finds the mans wife and impregnateds her, aborts the baby, takes dead fetus chops it up and makes the man eat it in a salad. While the man is chocking he shotes him and walks on.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street. Well actually, they just rolled a bit and then stopped. Peanuts don't have legs.

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Person #1: Hello captain obvious. Person #2: Hello.

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How did baby Bobby spend his summer vacation? He didn't, he died from heat exhaustion.

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Q: Why are Dino-Nuggets so good? A: Because they are nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs.

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What is the difference between 10 dead babies and a 1,000,000 dollar car I don't have a 1,000,00 dollar car

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Laugh

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Why can't Abraham Lincoln tell a lie? Because he's dead.

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Are you a psychopath? Take this short quiz. Q1. You live in an apartment building (about 10~15 stories). You were a student studying for an exam, but decided to take some rest. You looked out the window and witnessed a man killing a girl. The man saw you and moved his finger in a certain motion. Just from the information given, what do you think the man was doing with his finger? Q2. Someone is in front of you. Who is that person? Q3. There is a portrait of a man who went to war. He was injured in two places. Where was he injured? (List the two places he was injured.) Q4. A little boy received a bike and a soccer ball for presents. But the boy hated them. Why didn't the boy like the two presents? Q5. You're a thief. You broke into someone's house. The owner of the house saw you; you have no choice but to kill the owner. But the owner hid inside the closet. How are you going to kill the owner? Q6. You're a twin (and you're a girl). You were born before your twin sister. Your grandma recently passed away and you guys had to hold a funeral for her. At the funeral, you saw a handsome, young man. You fell deeply in love him... But, you killed your twin sister. Why did you kill your twin sister? Q7. You live in an apartment. You were watching TV, but someone was knocking hard on the door. You looked through the peephole and there was a man who was holding a knife. What are you going to do? Q8. You're the youngest member of the family. You saw your mom, dad, brother, sister, etc. die right in front of your eyes. But you stood still or did nothing. Why did you? Q9. You were very thirsty. You decided to get a drink from the vending machine. What color drink did you choose? ---------------------------------------------------- A1. Normal: Memorizing your face to kill you. Psychopath: Counting what floor you live in. A2. Normal: Murderer/Criminal Psychopath: a landowner A3. Normal: Whatever the psychopath didn't say... Psychopath: Eyes and chest A4. Normal: Already own it or hate it Psychopath: Doesn't have legs A5. Normal: Stick a knife inside and kill the owner. Psychopath: Wait in front of the closet until the owner come it. A6. Normal: To see that handsome, young man again. Psychopath: To have that man all to yourself. A7. Normal: Do not open the door. Psychopath: Open the door, take the knife away from the man and stab him. A8. Normal: You were going to die anyway, too. Psychopath: Because you were bribed. A9. Normal: Red, blue, orange, etc. Psychopath: White, clear

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Why can't black people be astronauts? Institutionalized racism.

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Four men were walking, and three of them walked into a bar. The fourth one ducked.

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Why was the baby crying? Because she had a frog nailed to her face.

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A Jew, A black, and a Hispanic jump off a building. Who hits the ground first? Who cares.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Not having an apple

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a bomb that explodes in 3 seconds inside your apple.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself pink and throw green banana at her.

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Q: What did one muffin say to the other muffin? A: "AAAA! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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A seven foot tall kindergartener walks into a bar. He is reduced to tears after being ridiculed for his inordinate height and unappealing physical appearance. A bartender then proceeds to escort him out of the bar for being underaged. -BG_Shank_A

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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