Look whos talking Matt Critchley

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How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her repeatedly in the face and then slit her throat.

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting into the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile

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Why did a car full of African-American men pull up to a lonely, caucasian man walking on the sidewalk at 12 p.m. in Harlem? To ask for directions.

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roses are red violets are blue i done you mom a favor by making you...banana and rice don't worry it'll taste just nice

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So this old redneck is sitting on his porch when he sees this boy walking down the road and hollers "What you got there boy?" "Chicken wire." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch me some chickens." The old guy thought: Dumb boy. You can't catch no chickens with chicken wire. Later that evening he sees the same boy walking with a bunch of chickens. The next day he sees the same boy walking with duct tape. "What you got there boy?" "Duct tape" The boy replies. "Gonna catch me some ducks." The old man leaned back and thought. "Dumb boy, you can't catch ducks with duct tape." Later that evening he sees the boy walking with a bunch of ducks. The next day he sees the same boy and hollers: "What you got there boy?" "I got me some pussy willow." The old man hollers: "Hold on, let me get my hat."

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What do you call a person that is green, wearing plaid, and standing next to you in the elevator? What ever their name is

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A man sees another man sitting on a bench with a pickle in his ear. He asks the man "Why do you have a pickle in your ear?" The other man replies "What? I couldn't hear you because I have a pickle in my ear."

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put my dick in your ass

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Who's the biggest badass in the nation? Adrenaline junky Jacobs!

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A Homosexual, a platypus, and a rubber spoon walk into a bar...

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roses are red violets are blue your friend is a scumbag and so are you

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what did the mexican cop say to the mexican drug dealer? can i get some of that

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a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

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what did the blue paint say to the red paint? i am blue

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Why didnt timmy go to the party Mom said no

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What did the priest say to the little boy? "Reading antijokes in rapid succession takes almost all humor from them."

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Obamacare

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knock knock whose there cash! cash who i don't want any but i'd like some peanuts

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he had poor coordination.

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A Mormon walks into a bar.

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What do you call a unicorn that is both invisible and pink? The Invisible Pink Unicorn.

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What do you do if you find blood in your poo? Stop stabbing yourself in the arse with a fork on wednesdays...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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