Knock Knock -Who's there I eat mipe -I eat mipewho hahahah -Oh I'm gonna beat your ass

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I scream, You scream, The police come, It's awkward.

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what do you call a monkey? a monkey

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What did the mexican say to the black guy before he went to work. Hey

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What do you can an astronaut with an apple? Never mind, I have a boner.

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A little girl was curious about where people come from so she asked a very controversial question. Girl goes up to her mother and ask "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Mother replies "Ask daddy." Girl says "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Father replies "Ask the dog." Girl then goes up to her dog and says "Doggy, where do babies come from?" The dog doesn't reply because it's a dog.

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Aww Eliza, thanks for being around in spirit, dont leave yet, I am kinda having breathing problems, and Alice says my something levels are dropping because I need solid food, please dont leave, I cant tell time even with a watch, but would you mind waiting a bit? Ill eat fast, somehow.

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There was 3 floors in a building. The man outside was watering plants. The man on the first floor was doing laundry. The man on the second floor was peeing out the window because the toilet wasn't working. The man on the third floor was cutting vegetables and accidentally dropped his knife out the window. Now, the four men all went out to tell what they did that day. The man on the third floor said that he was cutting veggies and dropped his knife out the window. The man on the second floor said that he got his wiener cut off. The man on the first floor said that he was just doing laundry. Then, the man outside said that he was watering plants and found a delicious sausage on the ground and he ate it.

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What did the lone KKK member do when he passed 10 large, muscular black men in the street? He did not tell them that he was a member of the KKK.

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What's worse than finding a dead baby in a dumpster? Recognizing the baby as your missing child, and finding the corpse of your dead wife next to it.

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Two black guys jump off a bridge..who lands first? They would land at the same time due to earths gravity acting on them both with an equal force.

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Why was the black man arrested? He was tried and convicted in a court of law for being an accessory to murder.

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Why did 16-year-old girl scream in the basement? She was being raped.

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How many raisins can you fit in a box? It depends on the size of the raisins and the box.

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What do you call Mexicans who go to jail? Criminals.

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-On a scale of one to ten, what's your favourite colour of the alphabet? -The answer is yes, because aliens don't wear hats.

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c:

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Why did the girl get run over by a bus? The bus driver was blind.

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What did the amputee get for chritmas? A bicycle

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How do you get someone to shut up? Shove a fork down their throat and hang them by thier thumbs

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't

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What do you call a blank white sheet of paper? Printer paper most likely

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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