what the difference between Obama and osama bin laden nothing

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So I was blow drying my penis and my girlfriend asked what I was doing. Apparently, "heating up your dinner." wasn't the right response.

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Why didn't Helen Keller learn to drive as a teenager? They didn't have cars back then.

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(waving left hand) Why doesn't Queen Elizabeth wave with this hand? Why? Because this is my hand.

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Why did the women cross the road? I dont know.. why? no clue.. why was she out of the kitchen

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What did the fat kid eat for dinner? Salad, he's on a diet.

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Hey girl, are you from Jamaica? Cus ja makin me go temporarily insane.

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What do you call it when you kill a Jewish homosexual? Murder.

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What do you call a dead man in a ditch? Phil.

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How many eskimos does it take to build an igloo? It depends... probably about six or seven.

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I hated hipsters before hating hipsters was mainstream. Does that make it sound like I have a fixed gear bicycle? Because I don't... I promise... What's a fixed gear bicycle, you ask? You mean you don't know???

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You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

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A woman wearing a very fancy, striped sweater walks into a bar and sits down. The bar tender asks her “what’ll it be”?. The girl replies “Just a beer for me”. As this happens a child in Africa dies from complications due to starvation.

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A very unattractive girl bent over in front of me. I proceeded to be sick, and then I choked on my sick. I died. My family mourn my death every day.

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I was strolling along the countryside and saw 2 niiggers peacefully hanging from a tree

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ok

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'Dyslexic man walks into a bar... and orders a pint

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Why did the dinosaurs die out? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Why do vampire's from 'Twilight' sparkle? Because it's a really bad movie.

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Did you hear about the new German oven? Seats 40.

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What do you call a black guy riding a unicycle? A black guy riding a unicycle.

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Why couldn't the Mexican man get a job? Because he was dead.

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Husband: Take the f out of way. Wife: There's no f in way! Husband: You just swore

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Roses are black, Violets are black, I am blind.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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