Roses are red, violets are red, everything's red... Retinal haemorrhage.

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A boy is eating with his family. A man in the next booth tells him "You are very handsome and you will be a movie star when you grow up." Then the man leaves. On the way out, the boy's mom says "You know he was drunk, right?"

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What do you say to a black man in the morning? Good morning

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why did the monkey cross the road? it escaped from a local zoo a block away

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Knock Knock! whos there? Me! I kill you!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? monkey see monkey do why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? it lost its footing why did the girl fall down? she was hit by four monkeys and a refridgerator

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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a giraffe? A really f*cked up hybrid.

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How do you make a black man cry? Stab his wife.

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Fine Nero, but I will be keeping an eye on you.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get KFC... Because hes a canibal!

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Choir.

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What does a dyslexic person do on sundays? Goes to church to pray to Dog

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What did the guy say when he came out of the closet? Where's my green shirt?

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You Know what worse than having 10 Kids? Having Eleven

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Women Sports.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his red tractor?

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Yo mamas so fat when she was standing on a scale a girl walked by and said hey thats my phone number! Yo mamas so fat she broke the family tree!

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What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Well, I couldn't understand them... It's hard to pronounce anything clearly when your mouth is full, which is why you don't eat and speak simultaneously.

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whats wrose than slipping on a banana? Getting Shot in the face.

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A dog walks into a bar, animal control is called and he is put down as he is suffering from rabies.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he saw a Vladimir Putin.

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A duck walks into a convient store and ask the cashier, "You got any bread?". The cashier immediatley responds, "No sorry, we don't sell bread." The next day the duck comes back and asks the same cashier, "You got any bread?" The cashier sighs and responds, "No, we still have no bread." After browsing for about three minutes the duck comes back and asks, "You have any bread?" The cashier, as pissed off as a beached whale, says, "NO! WE WILL NEVER GET ANY FRICKEN BREAD AND IF YOU ASK AGAIN I'LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THIS COUNTER!" The duck sways his head and looks to the ground, only to look right back at the cashier and ask, "You got any nails." The cashier says, "No." The duck comes back and says, "You got any bread?"

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Whats worse than losing your car keys? Watching your 4 year old son get visciously raped by a 20stone sex hungry pedophile and knowing you cant do anything about it because the sex hungry pedophile is your dad and he is the alpha male of the family so he has full mating rights.

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A baby seal walks into a club. It was a tragedy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops