Dave: My wife just gave birth! The baby is doing good. John: You mean doing well?

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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what happened to the baseball player who couldnt throw? he was very unsuccessful, as throwing is the most important skill of the game

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Why didn't the black man eat a packet of crisps? Because he didn't have any.

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whats the one about not giving a crap? oh yea this one

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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A blind man walks in a bar I mean like a metal bar But it didn't hurt He only laught

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Why is Easter better than christmas? Theres a significantly less chance of getting raped by a man in a Santa Claus costume.

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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A car crash.

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Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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What happened to jimmy when he stepped on a rusty nail? He died of of tetanus.

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It's the police sir. There's been an accident.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have down syndrome duh dusfy druah

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Your momma's so fat that she should really be concerned for her health and seek professional help to manage her weight.

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Transgenders! More than meets the eye! Transgenders! Girl was once a guy! LGBTs wage the battle to destroy The homophobic forces of Christianity! Transgenders! Homos in disguise!

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Q: What's so special about my Ferrari? A: It was painted with babies

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A boy bought a dozen roses, eleven real, one fake. He looks deeply into his girlfriends eyes, hers looking back, brimming with love and affection as he says, "I slept with your sister."

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Q: What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: One is a person, one is a food.

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A guy walks into a bar. He then comes home at 4 a.m. to beat his wife.

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Q: How do you stop a baby from crying? A: You hit it with brick.

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What did bob order at pizza hut? Pizza

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How do you confuse a blonde? Wait...what?

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Your dad is so abusive that he hurts you when he losses his temper

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. Except when I said muffins I meant Jews. .. I guess it really isn't that funny anymore.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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