Johnny Depp is Alexander Graham the whole time.

It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

An escalade with 5 black men crashes off a cliff and all of them die. this is terrible. an escalade seats 7.

3 strangers were locked in a dark room they turned the light on, unlocked the door and proceeded with their day.

Knock knock Who's there? Tom Tom who? Tom Rodgers I don't know you Tom decides to leave the house because the person in the house does not recognize him

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

What did the blind and deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

JUSTIN BIEBER PERFUME!

Q: What is the differenc between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babys? A: I dont have a lamborghini my garage.

The awkward moment when Delilah got hit by a bus.

I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

TRENT EGENLAUF IS a LITTLE BOY

Romeo and Juliet both die at the end of the book. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHA i just screwed you guys over.

oooh look a banshee

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Worlds first anti joke.

Q. Why did the chick go to KFC? A. To visit his mother

What do you call a clock that has no sense of time? .....Broken.

What’s worse than being ruled by Adolf Hitler? Being ruled by Joseph Stalin.

This is Heading 1

Why did the blonde get a good occupation? Because she had a great education in a private school.

Omg you bought a Prius? Children in Africa are starving and could have used that money to buy food.

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a car? Five in your standard sedan

Roses are red, Violets are violet

Why did Greg move to the Lake District? Because his dog died and the family is in mourning.