what do a heater and a dead baby have in common? a dead baby is only warm for a small period of time

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Why didn't the man get to see his family on Christmas? He was blind.

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Q: What did the whale say to the other whale? A: MMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs because disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion).

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How many Jews fit in an oven? Nein

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i'll leave 'em dead in the living room. get it leave 'em dead in the living room

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what has genitial warts? me

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Q: What do Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury have in common? A: Freddie Mercury is dead.

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What do you call four friends spending a wild night in Las Vegas that they can't rember the next day? A rip off of the Hangover

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"I see." said the blind man to his deaf son.

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What do you call a 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.

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Whats more painful than falling onto a sharp stone? Suffering the loss of your mother and newborn brother in a tragic car accident on your birthday.

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What do you call 25 college teens at a party? A good time.

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whats black and blue and red all over? my wife shhh!

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Q: What's pink and fuzzy? A: Pink Fuzz...

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What did the boy with four arms get for Christmas? A Laptop. Why couldn't he use it? He had no fingers.

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yomamas so fat it made Ben kanobi say thats no moon thats yo mama!

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what do you do when you see a black man getting hitted by a Mexican taxi? -Call 911

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What is square and grey? A grey square.

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What's worse than stepping on legos? Massive genocide

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What happens if you roll a nickel down a street in Mexico? It eventually stops and lands on its side.

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(SPOILER ALERT) The following are a few punchlines: "I didn't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck!" "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks!" "Hold on buddy, I'm about to save you $10,000" "To get to the other side!" "Because 7, 8, 9!" "She had no arms!" "A fridge!" "I don't have Ferrari in my garage!" "The clown can stay, but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go!" "And if it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college!" "It was stapled to the chicken!" "I proved it to him." "The holocaust" "Red paint" "A stick." "I wished for a big orange head." "No." "A bicycle is an object and a black man is a human being." "A pilot." "The papa tomato steps on him and says ketchup." "You left your engine running!" "That's what she said." "TV watches you!" "I think so Brain, but where will we get that many cucumbers at this time of night?" "Rectum? Damn near killed him!" "One but it takes two episodes and the bald guy dies."

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What is life? It is a sexually transmitted disease which always ends in death. There is currently no known cure.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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