What do get when you mix cancer and a bike? Lance Armstrong

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She had finished her breakfast and had to get to her job as a firefighter.

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Why should you never eat a jellyfish on a Wednesday? Because it will sting you with its poison.

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What's worse than dying? Dying twice.

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Q: Who showed up at the dead soldier's funeral? A The Westboro Baptist Church...

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why did the chicken cross the street i dont know thats why im asking you

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What's three times as dangerous than a war? Three wars.

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A man walks into a bar. He says ouch.

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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Roses are Red Violets are Purple Not blue

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If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Alzheimers, Cheese on toast.

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A black man and a Mexican man are both in a car. Who's driving? The white man who is also in the car with them.

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A brunette is walking up the side of a river. She sees a blonde on the other side. "How did you get to the other side?" asked the brunette. "I used the bridge just a few more kilometers up" the blonde replies.

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Two friends are arguing over who is the best pie maker. '' I've made pumpkin, apple, peach, cherry, blueberry, and sweet potato!" " Yeah well I've made all of those AND pecan!'' ''Yeah well have you ever made boysenberry pie?!" "No! What the hell!" *in a calm tone* " Yeah, me neither."

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what do you call a girl with no arms and legs whatever her name is

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Make it? Sodium levels? Means he is eating right? Its not ADHD, the chatter is his way of coping with pain and what I believe is PTSD (dont tell him, he would get mad, if he gets that blank stare while chatting a lot its like he is back in the past for a while, please distract him out of it, but dont tell him anything about that. Give him what he wants, its a secret but Nero masters hypnosis, and he pretty much knows himself to a point far beyond others know themselves, he can sense lies and knows how others are feeling just by the movement of their pupils, their eyes, their breath, the tonality of their voice and lots of things like that, I think thats some sort of hypnosis as well, he uses ritalin in order to focus and shut off pain receptors mentally and stuff I don't understand, I am sure he would not ask for it unless he knew he could take it, he has literally performed surgery on himself before, the kind that would kill anyone unless under strong anesthetics. (removed bullets from the back of his skull, people say its just a myth, but I was there so I know its true) Please trust me on this as weird as it might sound.

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A child walk's into a bar. And gets sexually abused.

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Roses are red my underwear is brown I just sharted my pants

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A man goes and buys a head of cabbage. The cabbage had a worm in it. When the man saw the worm, he threw out the cabbage and bought a new one the next time he went to the grocery store.

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Why do black guys always have sex on their mind? Because they are men.

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Q: Do you know what's the no.1 cause of pedophellia? A: Sexy kids

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How do you teach a kid to ski you strap it to the back of a polar bear

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Your mom is so dumb that all of society says she was poorly educated.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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