An old lady says, "Oh i see now." The guy standing next to her says, " Honey oyu know im blind right?"

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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What's the difference between your mother and a prostitute? Nothing.

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Did you hear the one about the chicken crossing the road? It wanted to go to the other side.

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Simon walks into a bar. He orders his favorite beer. The bartender says "Hey Simon, I see you're back with the usual, aye?" Simon says "Touch you tongue to your elbow." The bartender couldn't do it.

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There are two muffins in the oven. One says: "It's really getting hot in here!" The other one can't reply because it is already dead.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? It would be cannibalism to eat a black man.

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Can u explode on me.......Plz.........no........ok.

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A man said lol, I said lol back. Then he started to beat me up for repeating his phrase!

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Why did the joke feel paranoid? Because everyone kept laughing at him.

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*Phone rings* Hello? Hi, is your refrigerator running? No, it actually broke down yesterday. Are you the repair man? Yes, the repairs will cost $400

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What did one dinosaure say to the other? Nothin, they are all dead. XD

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how do you find will smith in the snow? look for his teeth

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Why didn't the poor man buy a candy bar? He wasn't hungry.

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Roses are Red Toilets are Blue Get out of Me way I Need to POO!

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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Do you like impressions? Why? That's Socrates

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Q: Where can you find a cat with no arms and no legs? A: Right where you left him Q: Where can you find a dog with no arms and no legs? A: In a bun

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Why did the baby stop crying? It had been smothered to death by it's sleep- deprived single mother.

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What worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust What worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him, "Would you like a drink?". The horse cannot understand english and is confused by its surroundings. The horse gallops out of the bar knocking over a few stools

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What do you call a black man that cuts people up and takes their money? A surgeon.

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Bannana man do do do do do ect.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops