Me: Knock Knock, Pornstar: Cum in.

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Why didn't Hitler drink whiskey? Because it made him mean.

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A. Hey.. B. Hi

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why did the boy fall down? he was shot

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Why did the penis rape the vagina, because it felt good!

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light-bulb? I'm melting!

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Why'd the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Why was Hitler a bad person? He killed himself.

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why couldn't the little girl play on the swing? Matty Russel was chasing her

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Why did a blind man buy a violin. To learn how to play a violin.

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A man runs into a bar, he is in a coma for 7 years and most likely going to die, of severe brain damage.

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What has four legs, is green and furry, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

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A man walks into a bar. He's covered in Ash because the north tower just collapsed.

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A man sees Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles and tells his friends about the incident. They believe the story, because it is entirely plausible that it actually happened.

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One day, I was looking at my brand new wooden table, and I thought, "wow, that is a very nice brand new wooden table." And then my dog peed on it. I killed the dog.

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Why isnt there a womens NASCAR? Because NASCAR does not yet have the funding to start a women's league.

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"Ask me if I'm a banana." "Are you a banana?" "No."

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why did tom get HIV? He was raped by a giant scorpion

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A rabbi, a nun, a priest, a hooker, a stripper, 2 secret servicemen, a teacher, a midget, a ginger, a rodeo clown, a nascar driver, a homosexual native american, a heterosexual native american, 2 portuguese tuba players, an african american taxi driver, a blind man, his seeing eye dog, a bartender, 2 minor league baseball players, 3 lesbian mexican salsa dance instructors and a dwarf are all in a bar. They all had a good time and the teacher and one ol the portuguese tuba players ended up becoming facebook friends.

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A Mexican, a Jew and an African walk into a bar. Now, it seem it was the Jew's turn to pay for drinks. So, all three ordered drinks, and the Jew paid for them.

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Nah, its fine, I just went to get a popsicle, and its square, so don't get any ideas. Honestly? When I first met "some jerk" calling himself Nero here, I began calling myself Nero, because I thought that the jerk that turned out to be you, Nero himself, sigh. was screwing over his own reputation. But now I realize that what makes you who you are, is that you say whats on your mind without going "oh no what will others think about me, what if this or that happens", you accept yourself for who you are, and if the rest do not, well screw them right? As you told me at first and proved to me during our conversations, you respect and value individuality and integrity. And well, you are a guy, you think like a guy (I honestly dont think we girls think that differently, we are simply socially indoctrinated or "engineered" in order to think that we do), I mean let me say something really honest here. Nero, I only dare say this once, so take me seriously I really want you to fuck me, and yeah, I may say that when we meet too, considering I have not even said it yet, just in my head... Anyway, its not something I am insecure about nor ever was and blahblahblah, the end, oh, and yeah, I really want and need a friend like you.

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting rape.d by a giant scorpion.

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a women walks into a room and says she got a good job..wait thats not possible..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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