SHE GOT A BIG BOOTY SO I CALL HER by her real name because she is a woman and worthy of my respect.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How do dogs mark their territory? With legal documents.

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Why did the cat bite its owner's? Because the owner had been dead for several days and the cat was locked in the house with nothing else to eat.

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Why did the plane crash. its pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Do you speak alien? Hola.

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What's the square root of everything. F**K LOGIC

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How does Ron Weasley greet Harry in the morning? Mornin' Horry, how did ghe' sleep?

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A guy who plays shooting games acquires an assault rifle but he doesn't kill anyone, why? Because he was a nice and peaceful man who loves his wife.

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How do you survive a tornado? You dont.

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Why did little timmy cry? He was nailed to a ceiling fan.

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why did the kid drop his ice cream? because he got ran over by a bus! (not a original, just funny)

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Where did Suzy go during the bombing? Everywhere

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What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

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What do you get when you cross George Bush and Barack Obama? Presidents.

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Your momma;s so fat she stepped on the scale and said one at a time please!

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Why did the blonde throw her alarm clock out the window? Because it was broken.

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What's the difference between a mole and dynamite? - Moles don't explode... unless you fill them with dynamite.

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Why did Peter go to the dentist? Because he had to go to the dentist!

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Q: Do you know what's the no.1 cause of pedophellia? A: Sexy kids

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what did the orange say to the other orange? we are both oranges.

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I'vegto a riddel for you;l Do siolve it. during the day... I look liek a snake By night?///////////////// What ams i? Rack your brains

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Knock knock.Who's there?Dead Baby.

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Why did the buetiful woman marry the homeless man? True love

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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