so the weather's nice...

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"One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f uck's your problem?'" -Training Day

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Why did the Mexican stop mowing the family's lawn? Because he felt it was time for his son to learn some responsibility.

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you're mommas so fat that her doctor says she is morbitly obese and may die of a heart failure later in life

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nick ya honkin of b.o m8

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Joker: say knock knock. Person: knock knock Joker: Who's there?

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What did the elephant say to the whale? Nothing, neither can talk and they live in very different biomes.

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What's little and very sad? A 5-year old locked in a cage.

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Q: whats snoop doggs favourite weather? A: drizzle

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Elephant. Elephant who? Seatbelt.

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what did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? cancer

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What looks like a flower, smells like a flower, and feels like a flower, but isn't a flower? Just kidding it's a flower

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Why did the black man cross the road? Because he was greeting his new neighbors that moved in across the street. He was very friendly.

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Why did greg come to America? Because he wanted visit the states

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Someone clearly messed up on naming the flower. Violet is synonymous with purple, Which is obviously NOT blue; It's the mixture between blue and red.

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What did the circle say to the square? Ur a square

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A blonde went to a doctor for a checkup. The blonde couldn't hear the doctor 'cuz she had headphones on so the doctor took them off. A couple of minutes later she died. The doctor was curious so he put the headphones on. It was saying, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."

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A man walks into a bar. Now he needs stitches on his forehead because he was walking pretty fast

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Q: What does a baby and an old man have in common? A: They both pee in public

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Knock Knock Who's there? Chinese. What? Knock Knock.

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So much with being an author... You with the Feds? The CIA?

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What do you call a man with one ear? A one-eared man.

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100 chefs walk into a bar

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Why is little johnny sad? He won the lottery but then found out the next day he had cancer and cried in a corner.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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