My wife came up to me and said, "I want you to make me scream with 2 fingers!" So I poked her in the eyes!

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How many cops does it take to change a lightb- [Beaten to death by cops]

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Why didn't the black man get the scholarship? Because he didn't apply for it.

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Why did the clown fall out of the helicopter?? Gravity

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what do you call a gay guy in a sleeping bag? a fruit roll-up. GET IT? because gay guys like fruit roll-ups.

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A man goes and buys a head of cabbage. The cabbage had a worm in it. When the man saw the worm, he threw out the cabbage and bought a new one the next time he went to the grocery store.

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How to kill a mocking bird? Stab it

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Because they're dead, they cant screw in a light bulb. Even if they were alive, it would be highly improbable that a baby could screw in a light bulb.

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How do you keep a dummy in suspense for 24 hours? Tell him his wife suffered from a severe concussion and that he'll have to wait until morning to see if she's okay

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?J?o?k?e?

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What do Batman and Harry Potter have in common? Their parents are dead.

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Around 10PM on a Saturday two Irishmen walk into a bar. They order up a round of drinks, and comment on the appearance of several women in the place whom they believe to be single. After finishing up their drinks, the one Irishman asks the other if he'd like another one. The other says no, that he promised his wife he'd be back soon with diapers for the baby. He thanks his friend for the drink and leaves for home. The remaining Irishman orders up another "round" from the bartender, but really it's only one drink he is ordering, being he is only one person.

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What's black and crawls around on eight legs? An octopus that just inked itself.

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What makes you hate life and feel good at the same time? A rapist.

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*ahem* what? what. oh I thought you said something

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Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because she was dead.

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There once was a baby named Paul Bunyan who was as big as a house. His mother died at childbirth.

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(Pretend that your adopted, and no one loves you) Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Knock knock, who's there? Doctor. Doctor who?

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what starts with b and ends with itch pickle

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http://richardfigures.com/

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What did the doctor say to his patient? Doctors are not allowed to give out personal information involving their patients.

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Why did Hitler commit suicide? He looked at his gas bill.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops