My friend told me to break a leg before the show. I disobeyed him and injured no one. It's just a figure of speech.

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Your mother is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror she feels bad about her appearance.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ostrich. Ostrich who? No no I don't have a formal name, I'm just telling you I'm an ostrich.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar. They discuss their differences over a pint of beer and leave with a greater understanding of each other's faiths.

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc I feel like a pair of curtains!" The doctor replied, "That's probably because you're schizophrenic."

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pigs are sometimes pink GOSH

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What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handle bars except for the duck

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Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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Why couldn't the man find his watch? Because he was mugged by a homeless man and had severe brain damage..... ....and because he left it at the office

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What's green and fluffy? Red fluff, if you're color blind.

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Q:Why did Billy drop his ice cream? A:He was hit by a truck. Q:Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was hit by Billy. Q:Why did the clown's friend fall off the swing? A:He had no arms. Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? A:To get to Billy's ice cream.

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There's an American, an African, and a Chinese walking down the street. Because the bar is down there.

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An American guy, Chinese guy, and Black guy are on a boat. Who jumps off first? Hopefully no one jumps off, especially because the ocean current is strong. They should call the coast guard if they are lost and find a safe way back to shore.

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Two astronauts go kayaking in the Sahara Desert. How many pancakes does it take to shingle doghouse? Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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Why are asians so smart? Because they study very hard and learn the material.

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Har har hey

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To mamas so fat shes fat

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Sonic

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If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball your right hand, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's undivided attention

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.

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Why was the baby going so fast? It was tied to a bus.

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How did the black man get a new television? He worked hard and put away a small percentage of his weekly wage in order to save for this new addition to his household.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a scizophrenic, Or at least thats what the voices tell me.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am colourblind so screw you!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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