Math Quiz! If sally was born on September 18th, 1997, how old will she be on her birthday? Leave your answers on her grave tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the difference between a woman and the Universe ? One is full of mysteries mankind may never understand, the other is, well, the Universe.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you make a dead baby float? Ice cream, root beer, and a dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A Chinese kid fails his math test.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he got shot. Q. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he was stapled to the first monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How did the lawyer survive the airplane crash? He didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the racecar driver lose his driver's license? He crashed into an orphanage.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

In Soviet Russia life had both pros and cons.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What happens when you fire a machine gun clip into a jew? You are convicted on first degree murder, and most likely sentenced to jail because you can't afford a good lawyer. Orange jumpsuits are uncomfortable.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A dyslexic man walks into a bra!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the man not come out of the closet? He wanted to stay in narnia.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Always put punctuation at the end of your sentence

thumb_up thumb_down +21

you wanna hear a good anti joke?, so do i

thumb_up thumb_down +21

you are getting chased by a lion, a tiger, and a zebra. What do you do???? Get off the Merry-go-round.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she is blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

-hey sam look what mom gave me for christmas -what eli? -a new baseball bat -thats your prosthetic leg silly

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse answers, "Because I'm an alcoholic."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

The bear woke up after his long hibernation of the winter. "Boy, am I hungry!" The bear wandered around and ate some berries. "These blackberries are too bitter and unripe for my taste, I'll go eat something else." He stumbled upon a honeybee hive and took some honey out and ate it. He was swarmed and stung by many of those bees. "That wasn't my favorite batch of honey, I'm still pretty hungry, let me go find some other food. He came across a cabin in the woods. "There maybe some food in there." To some, this was known as the Northern Vermont Massacre. It was a tragic happening. The 7 membered family, the Hernandez family, all died that day. The bear chase all of the adult and children and the house and brutally ate them.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo. Moral: Cuckoo!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What happened to the deaf, dumb, and blind kid? I don't know. Niether does he.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man walks into a sporting goods store and pulls out a gun. Then he returns it and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many times can the Frenchman cheat on his wife? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops