One day a man woke up and decided that he was going to do something with his life. He then got a haircut, took a shower and bought a nice new suit. After that he went home and cleaned up his whole house and invited his parents, that were not very close with him, over for dinner.An hour and thirty minutes before his parents got there, he went to the store to pick up some food to prepare for the very important dinner. On the way home he see's a homeless man walking on the side of the road. The man felt bad for him because he was poor so he gave him $10. He then proceeded home to make the dinner. The dinner turned out very well and he went to bed a better man.

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Three men of different ethnic and socio-economic upbringings enter a pub. A strange situation befalls them or a question is posed. The first two respond in turn, in manners typical of their profession or educational background. The third, however, either draws on his specific expertise and responds so as to outwit the others, or makes an egregious and pun-filled blunder, leaving himself open to mockery by his peers.

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God said onto john "come forth and receive eternal life" john came fifth and received a toaster.

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Why is it that all cats dislike flying saucers? The strange noises and lights probably frighten them, as they don't understand the concepts of extra-terrestrial intelligence and space travel.

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like this if you think what ever you want to..

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What's worse than no christmas? Taking a chainsaw to the face.

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doctor,doctor my eyesight is getting worse, you are certainly right, this is the post office

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Q: How many ghetto people does it take to carry a fat gorilla? A: 14

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Is everything funnier when u have a vagina.

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Q: What's big, yellow and can't swim? A: A school bus full of children.

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kcuf read it backwards

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A mormon walked into a bar and realised it was a bar the he leaves

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He decided to sail to Portland. He cast off and was never seen again.

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How do you stop a black man from spitting? People of all races and colours are quite within their right to spit on their own property whenever they wish. However if anyone spits on or near you, you could report him to the police, but don't expect to be taken seriously.

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Q: Why did the black man break into the house? A: Because he was poor and couldn't afford his daughters cancer treatment.

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why did the black man attend the AA meeting? his wife told him the only way she would stay with him is if he would attend these meetings, he was an alcoholic and is dying of liver failure.

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How are a pizza and a jew similar? They both are people aside from the pizza.

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Why cant Joe drive his tractor? Because he doesn't have any arms or legs. Why doesn't Joe have any arms or legs? BECAUSE JOE IS A POTATO.

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Why did the blonde get a good occupation? Because she had a great education in a private school.

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Why did the clown drink all the sweet wine? Because he was an alcoholic.

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How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? ...hey, it's kinda fun to type tootsie... ...tootsie tootsie tootsie...

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What's black and white and red all over? A panda with red paint splattered on it

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What is worse than a sharknado? A bullcano.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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