What's the difference between a dead baby and a carpet? I don't sell carpets.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Fucked up quotes: "When walking trough hell, keep going!" (I just turn back and walk the other way thank you, I mean worst case I walk trough heaven right?" "Never give up, ever ever ever ever ever..." (Ill just end it with etc because I gave up something as hard as... Typing?) "Curiosity killed the cat" (Translated: "Curiosity kills, stay inside forever" What?)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

so there are 2 muffins in an oven,1 says to the other "holy s**t its hot in here!" and the other says,"omg!its a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Top ten reasons Microsoft Doors is better than Microsoft Windows. 1. Easier to open. 2. Doors do not crash... Windows does! 3. Watching pron? Your mother around? JUST SLAM THAT SHlT ON HER FACE! 4. Saves power! (Its easier to just shut and open doors) 5. Doors are a lot easier to get trough than windows. 6. When windows wishes you welcome the first time you install it, you still cant wipe your damn feet on it! 7. Its easier to surf on the internet on top of doors than on windows. 8. While Windows is easy to hack because you can try codes forever, you can just buy a good lock on your door and shut it. 9.The sun glaring on your screen trough your windows? GET MICROSOFT DOORS! 10. I dare you make one, i live doing this shit. Capcom before. And special thanks to you! Thanks for playing! Capcom now: Fuck off thats not DLC paywall! its actual downloadable only content! Just pay 45 bucks to get all colors to all characters.... ...Downloading Allcolors 10kb

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's more easier to break than a thin stick? A woman's neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered sex offender.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How to you confuse an Alzheimer's patient? Present her with a complicated nuclear physics problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What does the cookie monster and the blue man group have in common? They are both homosexually active

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what do you call an exited rectangle? an Erectangle

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Did you see Stevie Wonder's new car? ....neither did he.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's the difference between a cult leader and a television personality? On average, 3.2 inches.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is yellow and fluffy? Green fluff, I lied about the yellow part.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

a dyslexic made a dessert. it was a bit dry.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man killed himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Thats what she said......about the project proposal, it was some really valuable input.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do u say when u see your tv floating in the middle of the night? drop it n*****

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q:How do you fit ten babies into a bucket? A: A blender Q:How do you get them out? A: Nachos

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's red and sticky A DEAD BABY

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What do you call a girl who wears a tuxedo to prom? A: Comfortable with the way she looks.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the football coach go to the bank Answer - to get his quarter back

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break: 1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." 2nd surgeon says "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." 3rd surgeon says "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded." 4th surgeon says "I prefer Chelsea fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

The Duck walks up to the lemonade stand and says to the man running the stand...Hey bum bum bum....How much is the lemonade

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than finding out you have cancer? Nothing... (The game.)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops