i have to pee out my ass.

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Knock knock Who's there? Taco Taco who? Taco bell

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A woman is home washing her dishes when she suddenly slips banging her head on a cabinet. She passed out for a few seconds, then woke to find a great gash on her left cheek, fairly spurting blood. At the emergency room, the doctor asks, "How did this happen?" The woman replied, "My boy friend tried to drown me."

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What did the snowman put on his head? Nothing; snowmen are inanimate.

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What do you call a Rhino and a Lion having sex? Pointless, since they can't reproduce

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Knock Knock Who's there? Chinese. What? Knock Knock.

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Why did the giant frog attack the party goers with a ballistic missile? oh where tos tart...it's, just such a long story, I don't really know where to begin, in fact it's probably better if you just take my word for it, no need to go into details. we just don't have time for that now.

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A cow walks down the stairs. Not really. They are incapable of walking down stairs. It actually died on the roof.

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A man walks into a bar. Now he needs stitches on his forehead because he was walking pretty fast

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LeBron James proposes. So what does he put on the girls finger? Ben L.

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Why are fire trucks red Well fire trucks have 4 wheels, and they have 8 people in them, 4+8, is 12, there are 12 inches in a foot, a foot is a ruler, Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, Queen Elizabeth was a boat, boats sail the seven seas, fish are in the seven seas, fish have fins, the Finns defeated the Russians, Russians are red, And that is why fire trucks are red.

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Whats green and can kill you when it falls from a tree? a pool table

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I took my mum for a big shop the other day, we used the parent and child spot, not like there's an age range on it. - Peter Kay Try parking in the furthest spot away from the shop and you might burn some calories. -Me

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Alternate ending for children: Despite the massive trauma that the spider suffered from his fall and the sheer volume of rain in the confined space of a pipe, it made a miraculous recover due to the sun coming out. It was however, forever doomed to repeat this cycle of undeath for ever more. [L]

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Q. Why did the kid drop his tennis racket? A. Because he got run over by a tank!

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wh@t d0 y0u c@II @ d0g5sh£t w1th n0 sm£II? 0ID d0gsh£T

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A horse walks in a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?"..... The horse incapable of understanding the humane language promptly poos on the floor and leaves.

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giddy goat

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whos the bitch now!?! you are.

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far away from its body.

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Knock Knock DAMMIT WOMAN MAKE ME A SAMMACH

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A tree fell in the forest. The person in the house it hit heard it.

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you were so loud you woke helen keller up!!!!!!!

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A duck walks into a bar. the manager kicks him out considering animals are not allowed in the bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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