Roses are red Violets are blue Theres a crazy ass alpaca ready to take a shit on you

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A baby walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "what'll ya have, Sport?" The baby's family runs in with a video camera screaming for joy over his first steps.

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I walked into my sister's room and slipped on a bra..........it was a boobie trap

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A zebra dies and goes to animal heaven. All the animals around him are trotting, flying, jumping, each according to its own species, in the kind of bliss that only eternity can bring. But the zebra is not impressed and mopes through heaven's green fields. A giraffe notices his languid stupor and asks, "Why so glum, pal?" The zebra mournfully replies, "All my life I've wondered if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes." The giraffe, hoping to get the zebra to some answers as quickly as possible, suggests, "Why not go as God?" The zebra, somewhat taken aback by the notion that God might give him an audience, replies, "Oh, I can do that?" The giraffe says, "Sure, I'll show you the way!" The giraffe leads the zebra to a great tabernacle of gold and points the way up a long stairway of diamond. The zebra follows the stairs up to two great ivory doors. But no matter what he tried, the zebra couldn't get the door open. The only animals that could open the door for him would be the primates because of their opposable digits, but the zebra wasn't much of a social animal, so he didn't have any friends. He spent eternity with no answer to his question.

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If a man is alone in the woods and there is no one there to tell he's wrong is he right? If a tree falls on a women.... Before we tell the rest why was there a tree I the kitchen?

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Who has a big nose? YOU!!!

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JUSTIN BIEBER PERFUME!

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I was at work today and whilst staring at my beautiful colleague I realised how hard it had got. So I quit

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What's black,white, and red all over? Nothing, because if it is completely covered in red then it can only be red.

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Why was the dwarf nicknamed The Anaconda? Because everybody loves a bit of irony.

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how do you get a girl of a swing? puch her off! how do you get her friend of a swing? throw a refridgerator at her!

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Why was the house painted pink? I dont know, why don't you ask the owner?

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Why did a boy get slapped in the hand? A; because he had it in the persons face

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why did the chicken cross the road it was being chased by the man from the chicken slaughter house.

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What did your mother say after I beat her? Nothing, because she was dead.

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Your Momma is so fat when she pressed "up" on the elevator it went crashing down.

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Poop

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Did you hear about the guy who broke his legs? His legs were broke.

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Knock Knock. Shut up.

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A hispanic walks down the street. ICE quickly arrests him, as he is here illegally. 5 months after deporting, he crosses the southern US border to try again.

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Why was the turtle blue? He wasn't you are color blind.

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What's more fun than a negative pregnancy test? Nothing.

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Knock Knock Who's there? It's the Mortgage company. You haven't payed your loans. The man loses his house and becomes homeless.

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soccer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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