One day, I was looking at my brand new wooden table, and I thought, "wow, that is a very nice brand new wooden table." And then my dog peed on it. I killed the dog.

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1: Why did the chicken cross the road? 2: The chicken has a right to privacy, stop questioning what she does

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Whats white, black, and red all over? A half eaten penguin

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What's te best part about having sex with twenty two year olds? There are 20 of them ;)

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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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ey can i pick your scabs plzz

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Knock knock. Who's there? Michael Jackson.

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What do you get when you cross a blond with a plank of wood? A blond with a plank of wood on her head.

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Why couldn't the guy find his pants? Because his girlfriend stole them last night

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What did the white cop say to the black thug? he didn't... he got shot before he could say anything

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am not using commas That is improper punctuation.

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If you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball your right hand, what do you have? Kermit the Frog's undivided attention

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what is worse than a pile of dead babies? the one on the bottom trying to eat its way out of a pile of babies that have been poisoned.

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Hey you want to here a joke? I can't think of one

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What did the psychiatrist say to the man when he walked into his office naked and wrapped in saran wrap? I can see your 'nuts'...

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How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

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What goes about 36 miles per hour and screams? A baby attached to a ceiling fan.

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What do you get when you put a dog in a cage. Cantaloupes

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20

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Knock Knock Who's there? It's actually much safer to look through the peep hole than it is to let a stranger know you are home.

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A guy walks into a bar. He now has a broken collar bone.

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What did Sarah Palin say as she gazed to the West? "I really wish my daughter hadn't gotten pregnant."

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I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops