What should you give your Italian plumber for a refreshment? Water, because he's probably working so hard that he's thirsty.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Tim sit on the chair? Because potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A cat walks into a bar and orders a bowl of milk. Well, okay, it doesn't actually order it. It more of meows in a begging fashion and the bartender, being a kind individual, gets the lost animal a bowl of milk. But who's to argue semantics?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Have you heard any anti-jokes? ... Are you Jewish by chance?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A white straight man, a black gay man, and an Asian bisexual woman walk into a bar. They are enjoying their drinks until one overly intoxicated man makes a remark towards the group in reference to their diversity in race, sexual orientation, and sex. The bar crowd is enthused with the drunk man's genius in not only constructing a joke to cover all three categorical descriptions of the group, but in guessing each member's sexuality based on their respective appearances.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock. Who's there? What's up. What's up who? The sky.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a blue baby at the bottom of a pool? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

wommmoaooammaaa

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why can't Demetrius swim? Because he has a genetic disorder where he is paralyzed from the waste down, so he is therefore incapable of propelling himself through the water

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Harry Chappell raped someone

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Do you know whats sad? Global Warming Do you know why the polar bears are dying? Aids

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why was the Chinese Man mistaken for the other Chinese Man? They were twins.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

There are four worms walking in a straight line. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The fourth worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why didnt the car turn on? Cause the keys werent in the ignition

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why is NO ONE on Facebook when I AM?! Because you have no friends... on Facebook... ... Wow.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

This is an anti joke with a difference. It's funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's red and has two legs? Half a cat!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

why is my phone broken i dropped it

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's a foot long and slippery, a slipper

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Mommy mommy I don't want to see grandma. Shut up and keep digging.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops