How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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John and Henk are walking down the street. John kills a man, the cops are coming and John runs away. Why didn't Henk ran away? Henk was a rock

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Caller:Hello, is this Smellma Pitts Answer: Why yes

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A doctor walks into a bar, he stumbles backwards as he is taking his coat of, and the barman chuckles.

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What's red and sticky A DEAD BABY

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How do you make a puppy stop barking? Throw a brick at it.

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What's long, brown, and runs across a family's backward? A fence.

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Did you hear about the guy who came onto his best friend's wife? Yeah, she handed him some kleenex after and told him to wipe it off.

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What's Green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels

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I met a fat girl and fucked her on an elevator. . . It was wrong on so many levels.

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what sits in the corner of a room and gets smaller and smaller? a baby combing its hair with a potato peeler

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WHO WANTS SOW????

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A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint. "Well it's like this Doc, when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The green green grass of home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's new, pussy cat?'. It's so embarrassing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah', and my wife was not amused!" "Yes, it would apear that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome." "Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man. "Yes," replied the doctor, "It is very uncommon."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

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What's the main difference between an angry white man and an angry black man? The angry black man is probably of African descent.

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Wanna know what's funny? A joke.

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Wanna hear a joke? YEAH! Hold on. Okay, tell me when to let go.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow who? Interrupting Cow who, unlike his quiet friends back on the farm, enjoys to speak when others are nearly finished with their sentence.

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A little boy uses a horrible curse against his classmate. The classmate is so angry he tells the teacher. The teacher is so astounded at the little boy's use of language he sends him to the principal. When the principal hears of the foul language he's so ashamed he calls the police. The police can't believe the little boy said such a bad word, they think he deserves to go to court. The court dates are set up. When the Judge hears of the hate words he can think of no other worthy punishment except prison until he turns 21. After the kid is let out he heads for the bar across town where all the ex-prisoners go. He orders up a drink, bartender asks "What'd you do?". The kid explains the curse to the bartender. The barkeep becomes so upset that he kicks the kid out of the bar. While crossing the street to go to another bar he gets hit by a truck. Whats the moral of the story? Look both ways before crossing the street....

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A man was having problems with his computer, so he called customer service. An Indian man, by the name of Muhammad picked up the phone. This came of no surprise to the man, because Muhammad is the most common name in the world. The man soon found and fixed the problem on his computer and hung up.

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How can you tell an Irishman from a frenchman? Well, if you look back at both there heritages...

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? You've already seen this joke at least SIXTY TIMES on this website, so you already know.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One splatters and makes a big red mark on the ground when dropped from a building. The other is a fruit.

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Did you hear about the little girl who got a bike for her birthday? Shes dying of Terminal Cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops