What do you call a cow after an earthquake? Dead. The barn collapsed on top of it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmer's daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soy-bean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture remover's van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam, caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. "Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flies". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Because they're dead, they cant screw in a light bulb. Even if they were alive, it would be highly improbable that a baby could screw in a light bulb.

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What is makes you more happy to see than a dead baby? A dead baby dressed up as a clown.

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So, there was two successful business men at a social gathering when one leans in to the other to comment, "Hey, that women over there, she looks like your wife!" to which the other one replies, "That is my wife."

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How many cops does it take to change a lightb- [Beaten to death by cops]

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Three men went into a bar; one was blind, another deaf and the third was mute. The blind guy said "Did you SEE that?" The deaf guy said "WHAT?" And the mute said "...."

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Cleveland winning something

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Today i started to think lucas was homosexuaI.. I am scared

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Why was the boys dick hard? Because he stuck it in a hole in the snow.

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Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because she was dead.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because as an animal with legs it is highly capable of doing such as it pleases.

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*ahem* what? what. oh I thought you said something

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What's black and crawls around on eight legs? An octopus that just inked itself.

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Why did Timmy drop his ball? Because he was hit by a bus. A) Knock knock? B) Who's there? C) Not Timmy

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What makes you hate life and feel good at the same time? A rapist.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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why did the bird fall out of the tree? Earth's Gravitational pull

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Leading a hike.. Kid falls off a cliff and dies. Who cleans him up? Bear.

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You read the Terms of Service.

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How many Jews can you fit into a 1968 Caddy? 1 in the front, 2 in the back, and 200 in the ash tray.

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Q. How many babies does it take to paint a room? A. Depends on how hard you throw them.

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You know what's catchy? A cold

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Why did Sarah fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops