your mom

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what kind of mexicans are NOT in the U.S. -legal

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead dive off a yacht. Unfortunately the yacht is in a shop and all 3 of them sustain injuries following impact with the concrete floor.

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What do you call a man in a pool with no arms and legs? Bob

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If you were in a room with Osama bin Laden, Hitler, and a black guy and you had two bullets, who would you shoot? Personally, I'm a peaceful person. I'd let Hitler figure it out.

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Roses aren't Red and Violet aren't Blue, do you know why i even like you

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?" The horse says "I have Cancer."

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why did the lady fall out the window? someone threw axe at her

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What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? The president. -Harrison

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Martin Skrtel walks into a bar The bar breaks, Martin then pays for any damages caused

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Q:How do you fit ten babies into a bucket? A: A blender Q:How do you get them out? A: Nachos

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Whats long, hard, and filled with seaman... a mans penis

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ahmadinejad. Well then get the **** away from my door!

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Whats the difference between a jewish man wearing a fedora and glass of almond milk? Ones a glass of almond milk.

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What's red and sticky A DEAD BABY

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what did the captcha say to the homo sapien? frTrewQui NiolismTU

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A spaceship enters a black hole. A spaceship enters a black hole. A spaceship enters a black hole.

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What do you call a bloody Jewish guy nailed to a piece of wood. Jesus

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Q: whats the differences between a bra and the canucks?? A: a bra has two cups

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Why did the black man rob the store? Because he was hard on money for a reason not associated with race or stereotypes whatsoever.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? When 6 was just a young boy living in a quaint suburbial town, his family, 1 2 3 4 and 5 were all killed by 7. 7 then burned down their house while 6 ran away from the blazing inferno he used to call home. 6 was forced to live off the land in order to survive. 6 built a house using only mud and sticks and a little elbow grease. When 7 heard the news that 6 was still alive and well in the forest, 7 went into the woods, tracked down 6's home and again burned it down. When 6 came back from a day of fishing and a handfull of fish, he saw that his house was burned down. The fish then escaped from his hands, and flew away. 7 had left a note on the ground that said 7. 6 then recalled the first time 7 had killed his family and burned down house. 7 had now burned down two of 6's houses. That is why 6 is afraid of 7.

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A drunk guy walks into a bar. A blind man walks into the same bar.

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watch a i d s left

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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