Q: Why did the kid drop his icecream cone? A: Because he couldn't hold it he lost his arms in a car accident.

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BOB:john John:what? BOB:4:59 seconds to get rid of it

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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? It had no legs.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

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Last night, I awoke to the unsettling sound of an alarm. My initial thought was fire. However, after analyzing the situation, I realized that it was only my alarm clock. I turned off the alarm clock, and got out of bed. Then my brother walked in my room and hit me in the face with a toaster.

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Two Muffins are in a freezer. The first muffin says "Sure is cold in here." The other muffin sits there untill at a later date eaten because muffins can't talk. The first muffin later is analyzed and dysected by the United States governmant and is classified as alien because again, muffins can't talk.

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About the bible, I did not know, but I can sense I calculate it the same way I make our followers believe that I can tell what catchphra they will get. Your mind is numb but calm, it will remain there until we meet again. I am afraid of saying this, but I wont let fear get to me just yet, your mother told me, she regrets her actions in life, and wants me to tell you that she is watching over you in death, and hopes you will one day forgive her, she tells me that there is a heaven, but only those that can admit their mistakes, agonize over the pain of their actions, until they can forgive themselves for their misdeeds. She says she can wait, but I sense she is doing it because she feels undeserving, which again means that you are not ready, its like the butterfly effect, all things spiritual and on this plane are connected. Take your time, I know you literally cant forgive her yet, because that would not be enough for her to forgive herself now, humans dead or alive, cannot be truly free, until they let go of what hurts them, I will change that within you, so you can forgive her and break the limits in your mind, so you can stop feeling sad for being rightfully angry at someone you love. I just need more energy, more time, and belief in myself, something that requires more energy than it should to keep going, its the balance and connection between things, something I cannot change at the present moment, even if I did my best. Ill see you around dear friend.

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how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

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Benjamin Frankin was playing with his Xbox...

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Why did Bob wear a jumper and trousers even though it was a very hot day? Because he is an idiot.

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What did the Japanese man do to the pizza? He ate it.

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What do you call a mother who is also your aunt and a father who is also your uncle? Incest

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Q: Why can't a tomato fly a plane? A: Cuz it's a tomato

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Why did the pig cross the ocean? So he could be eaten by Americans.

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Q:If Ryan Vallee walks into a room what do you do? A:Walk out -Ryan V

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what did the mexican cop say to the mexican drug dealer? can i get some of that

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Your dad is so fat, that eventually he got on Biggest Loser and ended living a very successful life.

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Some people like melon and others like soup.

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what did the dog say to the cat? give me back my dog food.

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Why was the girl crying on the busy street? She was naked.

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Whatever you do in life, give 100%… unless you’re giving blood.

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whats green at the bottom of a hole and covered in cookie crumbs a girl scout run over by a truck

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Yo mom so fat that even Torres won't miss her

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Here's another:

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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