A blonde walks into an electrics shop and asks to buy a television set. The shop-owner explains that she is signalling a microwave and is concerned for her mental wellbeing.

thumb_up thumb_down

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly shits on the floor then gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down

knock knock father: who's there? young man: it's I, your son. father: ....... what? young man: dad let me in, I'm sorry! father: i don't have a son.... young man: but.... i love you... father: get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

thumb_up thumb_down

There's a skunk and a lawyer standing on the side of the road, what's the difference? There are tire marks infront of the skunk.

thumb_up thumb_down

?J?o?k?e?

thumb_up thumb_down

What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One of them you crack open with a sledgehammer and feast upon, and the other is a dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: How did the woman die in the black neighborhood? A: She suffered a fatal heart attack while visiting one of her friends. Everyone mourned their loss.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the cat bite its owner's? Because the owner had been dead for several days and the cat was locked in the house with nothing else to eat.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a load of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did Helen Keller say when she fell into a well? Nothing. She died upon impact and her family mourned her death for years.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you kill a black man? feed him mayonase

thumb_up thumb_down

what do you do to gay guy who wants to have anal sex with you? beat him with a steel baseball bat in his face.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile? " Hey Robin, get in the Batmobile."

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Your mother lives so loosely that she has several terminal diseases and only has 3 weeks to live.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what is similar between a mexican and a bench? they are both illeageal. except the bench

thumb_up thumb_down -2

If you had to go blind, would you go blind? If you said no, then you are wrong. You had to go blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When life gives you lemons... Be thankful you're not starving, a**hole.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

butt sex

thumb_up thumb_down -2

(Pretend that your adopted, and no one loves you) Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

You know what's catchy? A cold

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did Timmy drop his ball? Because he was hit by a bus. A) Knock knock? B) Who's there? C) Not Timmy

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops