Q: What's the difference between a Chicken and a Triceratops? A: One is a Chicken and One is a Triceratops.

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What's black and white and red all over? A chess board; I lied about the "red all over" part.

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Reminds me of when I was a teen, I was working at an elderly home, and there was this really really old woman, and she was leaning forward towards me on her wheelchair, one of her hands accidentally near my crotch, I mean this granny was really senile and shit. Then she went all like, you really like it when I touch you there don't you? I mean it was not the best nor the fastest one, but all that excitement "OMG WHAT IF I GET CAUGHT BY A COLLEAGUE WHILE A 89 YEAR OLD WAS JACKING ME OFF!" Really made it all special folks... Especially when I got caught, it was like OMG STRESS ORGASM HOLY DONT CUM NOOOAAAARGHHHH!!!!!! WOHOOOOOO! I walked outta there like a champ, I was like 18 and my girlfriend/colleague which caught me was like, 27, and the next week she was 32, and before you know it, she was 46 on facebook... Thats like you know... Too old or something...

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What color was the duck? It had one foot.

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what did the mushroom say to the other mushroom? nothing, mushrooms can't talk

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Why did the boy cry? Because his mother died of a heart attack.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Q: What do you get when you cross an Elephant and a Rhinoceros? A: Merriam-Webster defines "cross" as "an affliction that tries one's virtue, steadfastness, or patience." This comedic exercise is one such affliction.

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A brown haired woman walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor it hurts whenever I touch myself." The doctor says, "Strange, I have never heard of such a disease. Please show me." The woman touches her leg and screams,"Ow!" Then she touches her arm and screams again. The doctor asks, "Are you a natural brunette?" The woman replies, "No, I am a blonde." The doctor says, "Oh, that explains it. You have a broken finger. God, you are so blonde." The woman gets her finger treated and then lives in agony for the rest of her life due to her untreated broken leg and arm.

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Roses are grey Violets are gray Tulips are grey Lilly's are grey Dandelions are grey Daisy's are grey Daffodils are grey I am colour blind.

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A man knocks on a wooden door. A woman says who is it?

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I had a chocolate chip cookie today, thats it, just a chocolate chip cookie.

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A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to give him any drink. The bartender gives him the drink and the customer instantly dies. Another person in the bar asked the bartender what dring did you give him. He answered back.....poison

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get hit by a car

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Whats the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of bowling balls? You can't pick up the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

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what did one barstool say to the other what theres a butt on me

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There's a fine line between hyphenated words

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whats worse, being kicked in the balls or giving birth? losing an arm to meningitis

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how long does it take a meth-head to rob your flat? not long at all, and they'll take everything. they need to, it's an addiction

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What's worse than finding a worm in your Holocaust? Oh, wait, I said it wrong...

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(In a job interview) Interviewer: Name a time when you've failed sometime Me: I failed an HIV test last June, anything else?

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What do you call a puppy in alaska? A cold PUPPY!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops