Q. What's smarter then the smartest woman in the world? A. A retarded seal, or pretty much anything else.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Shit... Shit who? Wrong house... Do I know you Shitt Ronghouse? Yes. Please come in. Okay.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Steve. Steve who? Steve Johnson, and I'm legally obligated to inform you that I'm a sex offender.

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Mr.Green walks into the class. He is alone with no wife and no kids and suffers from depression. His salary is below average and he can't pay the rent this week so he'll probably get evicted. He has aids. He will die in 2 weeks.

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Im going to the patriots jets game this year..... When the kick a feild goal and you see two kids wearing lime green holding up a poster that says BRADY LIKES SAGGY BALLS that will be me and my friend -RT

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One day, a small bald man was walking up the street, when her saw a large red porche, extremely grand, and the door was wide open. He walked over and inspected the open door, and to his surprise, the keys were in place by the steering wheel. He was a good man, with a loving wife and two teenage children, and he had no intention of steeling the vehicle. But astonished by the owner lack of protection, he hopped into the car and drove it around the block, just for the thrill of riding such an amazing car. Around 30 seconds after, he parked the car, got out, leaving the car in the same place, with the door open and the keys in, then he walked home and lived the rest of his life.

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There were two muffins in an oven. They were forgotten about by the baker so they cried, caught fire, burned to death, and formed a medium-sized pile of ashes.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was attached to the first! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game! Why did the fridge fall out of the tree? The branch broke! Why did Sally fall off her bike? She got hit by three monkeys and a fridge!

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A man walks into a bar, looks to the right and sees a man one foot tall playing the piano, he sits at the bar and says to the bar tender,"I'm feeling kind of down" the bar tender gives him a bottle of very strong alcohol and later that night he goes home and hangs himself.

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Knock knock! who's there? Excuse me sir can I have a moment to talk to you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

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Why did the gambler sell his house? Because he needed money to pay for male hookers.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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"Lady's and Gentlemen, hobos and trams Cross side mosquitoes and bald legged ants Pull up a chair and sit on the floor and I'll tell you I've never heard before Of one bright day in the middle of night Two dead boys got up to fight Back to Back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise Came and killed the two dead boys If you don't believe this lie is true Ask the blind man he saw it too"

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Q. I'm not hot, I'm not cold I'm not young, I'm not old I'm not lame, I'm not cool I'm not smart, and I'm not a fool. What am I? A. Text

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What's gay and nobody likes? Ryan's combover

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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What did the homicidal maniac say to his 13th victim? Nothing, she was dead at the time.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was the most direct path to his destination.

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FREE SEX! Now that I have your attention.............

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What did the two doctors say to each other? We are both doctors.

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What did the mom say to her clinically depressed son? You're dad died

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A lion walks in to a bar, and murders everyone inside. This is why animals are not aloud in bars.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? You did?! Oh . . .

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You know what makes no cents? 100 cents because 100 cents make a dollar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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