How do you get black children to stop jumping on the bed? Tell them it's not allowed and that consequences will ensue if the rules are not followed.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

michael: How old do I look? stranger: about 68? How old are you? michael: I cant remember I have alzheimers. michael: How old do I look?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

what did the left nut say to the right nut? The guy above us is a real dick huh?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the man do when it was raining pineapples? He got a chainsaw and went on a killing spree against his neighbors family.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's worse than hell? I would say the Holocaust, but they're both the same for the Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not her.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q.why did the woman die A.she left the refrigerator door open then left the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down -8

No thank you, I don't like violence

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock knock. Who's there? Shut up.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you stop the baby from touching the stove? Cut of its arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is red,brown and stinks? A deer that's hit by a car

thumb_up thumb_down -10

BF:Roses r red Violets r blue a face like ur's shuld b i n the zoo but dont worry i'll be there but not in the cage but laughing at u. GF:Wanna c a magic trick? POOF ur single

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Dear Sarah, My name is Jesse, and I am severely overweight. BOUNCE ON MY DICK LIKE TYGA BITCH, Your lover, Jesse.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did Jesus say to the giraffe? Good day to you sir.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I am pleased and honored to hear you speak that beautifully straight from your heart Nero, you are without equal, unmatched. And he who is unmatched, also stands alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Fine, just give me the top comment FOREVER, and I wont LIEK completely copy and assimilate your identity on Horsehead network... Forever... Muahahahahahaha!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Did you hear about the guy who came onto his best friend's wife? Yeah, she handed him some kleenex after and told him to wipe it off.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I have a dig bick you that read wrong you read that wrong too.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the grape do after it was stepped on? Nothing, as it was incapacitated, and even under normal circumstances, it would be incapable of performing any voluntary actions as it is only a grape.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

is the glass of milk half empty or half full it is scientifically proven that these are the same thing. Choosing one over the other is like saying that 1/2 does not equal 1-1/2. A normal person would just see this as an ordinary glass of milk.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

how do u drown a blond you put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was the 3 year old high He was flying

thumb_up thumb_down -10

You Obviously Lack Originiality YOLO.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops