How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?

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Why did the fisherman die on a fishing trip? He had a heart attack.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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why did the chicken cross the rode? so it can get the seed that is between the two yellow lines, and then he walked back without getting hit by a car.

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What's green and has wheels? a green car.

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why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? he got hit by a bus why was the little girl happy? because she found an icecream cone

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Adolf Hitler.

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whats orange, green and has a treadmill attached to it? a cantaloupe, i lied about the treadmill.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? How the hell should I know I'm not a mind reader.

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Whats the similairity between a dog and a cat? They're both cats, except for the dog.

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My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

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Who invented the Iceberg Salad? The Titanic

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Q: why was the girl so dumb A: her teacher was a blond

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what happens when you and a 6 foot black guy get stuck on an island? hang him by a tree and make shelter

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Why did the little girl drop her school books? A kid jacked her in the head with a brick.

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I told my wife she was like a fine wine She asked if it was because she improves with age. I told her yes All was well.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, monkey do.

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Why was there a black man and a white man in a bar? Due to the probability of this occurance happening due to percentages of black/white people in a bar, this specific situation should be of no shock, in fact it is a completely normal occurance one of which should not be questioned

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Why the bird can't fly? Because i cutt off his wings.

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Why did the little boy get food poisoning? Because his family can't afford to buy organic food, and can only afford McDonald's burgers, where their cows are forced to stand in their own feces.

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Whats Do You call people, on the top floor of a Double-Decker bus? Passengers

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lipstick pig

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I walked into my sister's room and slipped on a bra..........it was a boobie trap

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Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd." http://gpsphone-tracker.com/

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops