How do you stop the baby from touching the stove? Cut of its arms.

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Why did Justin Beiber fall out of a plane? Because i pushed him off

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People Order Our Patties

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How do you keep a secret? Kill yourself.

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How do you save a black man from drowning? I don't know GOOD!

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hey i just met you and this is crazy so heres my number actually is dolan

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How would you punish Helen Keller? Make her read a basketball.

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Elizabeth Warren

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What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Ferrari? I have a bag of dead babies in my garage.

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What did the Canadian Goose say to the Snow Goose? You're white.

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What's behind Chuck Norris' beard? His chin

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Why the boy doesn't get any birthday presents? he has cancer.

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What did the girl get for Christmas? Nothing, she was homeless and dead.

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- Knock knock - Excuse me, I don't have time, my house is on fire ! - We're the firemen.

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What do you call a pool filled with black people? A pool

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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What ticks and makes a very loud noise? the bed

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a pornstar comes early to a party

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Q: Why is there a crack in the liberty bell? A:Because someone droped it and it broke

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what did one barstool say to the other what theres a butt on me

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My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, the highest he placed was 4th.

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Why can't Chuck Norris divide by zero Because it's impossible

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Why was the turkey killed? Because this particular turkey lived on a farm and a supermarket was paying the farmer a reasonable price to sell it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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