- Anti Joke

A:Hi, do you like to blow bubbles? B:Yea... A:Hi, my names bubbles

your mothers so silly she saw a rock and sat on a chair.......?

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? An apple up your ass, a penis in your ramen, finding out you have herpes, or many other scenarios. In short, there are many things worse than finding a worm in your apple.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? - nothing oceans are inanimate objects that are incapable of talking.

why couldnt the kid get off the couch when his mom asked him to? he was paralyzed

Why is 6 afraid of 7? This is 7, if you do everything I say, 6 will live.

A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

Knock Knock... Who's there? The FBI, you're going to jail. Really? No.

OR SOMETHING! VOLUME ONE SPECIAL ALPHA MAN EDITION: What do you do if you are in the jungle, and surrounded by a tiger, and a jaguar and have only one bullet left in the rifle? You shoot the damn jaguar in its tire, and RIDE THE GODDAMN TIGER BACK HOME! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! THE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD R*PIST!(Yes I also wrote the original kay?)

Why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato

What do you call three mexicans in a bowl of soup? Whatever their respective names might happen to be.

Two men walk into a bar. One gets drunk, goes home, savagely beats his wife, and goes to jail for domestic abuse.

Why was the boy kissing up to his parents? He only wanted them to say "I love you" for once.

If a quiz is a quizical then what is a test? an Exam.

What do you call a muffin with frosting? A cupcake

Knock Knock. Did someone outside the front door just say "Knock Knock"?

What boy with no arms get on his birthday? Lego.

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a tumor Doctors give it 6 weeks before I die...

What's the biggest Jenga game? 9/11

A white straight man, a black gay man, and an Asian bisexual woman walk into a bar. They are enjoying their drinks until one overly intoxicated man makes a remark towards the group in reference to their diversity in race, sexual orientation, and sex. The bar crowd is enthused with the drunk man's genius in not only constructing a joke to cover all three categorical descriptions of the group, but in guessing each member's sexuality based on their respective appearances.

Jeremy has 8 apples. Susie has 3. how much does Jason have? Purple because aliens don't like grapes.

Q. What do you call cheese that's not yours? A. Stolen, you're under arrest.

what do obama and terrorist have in common -they are both human

A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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