why did the man fall off his bike? He got shot by the navy seals, He was a highly decorated terrorist.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has he.

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what do you call an exited rectangle? an Erectangle

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I had an Anti-joke but i forgot it.

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what do you call a bear with socks on A bear with socks on

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Roses are red. I have OCD. That rose IS red right.. Let me check again.

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

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Why was the black man sent to prison? He was wrongfully accused of a crime which is a fine example of how flawed today's justice system is.

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knock knock? who's there the stubt double vampire that's going to kill you;0

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Did you hear about the kid-napping in Minnesota? He woke up

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How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 69

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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Q: Why is the Universe so big? A: Because it is the same size as my penis.

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How many women does it take to replace a light bulb? Please advise. Thanks, Holly

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What do you call a guy who has no experience flying a plane? Suicidal

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"I like my women like I like my coffee, in a cup." -Paul Alangadan

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Why did the black guy love his new shirt? Because it was 100% cotton

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What's the difference between a bomb and a muslim? Nothing. The difference is only apparent. At the fundamental basic building blocks of the universe, everything is made up of quarks.

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Who would win in a chess duel between Ender Wiggin and Artemis Fowl? Artemis Fowl will calculate the optimal path to move his pieces. Ender Wiggin will calculate the optimal path to kill the queen, so all the other pieces just sort of fall down.

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A little girl had a sleepover with her friends. They watched a movie, then went to bed at a reasonable time. /

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Knock Knock? Who's there? (No answer)

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A duck walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will you have for dinner? The duck says "quack".

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Who needs god when coffee is cheaper

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Mary had a big white van, a big white van, a big white van, Mary had a big white van, where did my friend go? (sing the song)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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