So a man walks into a bar, He says, "Hey bartender! Can I have some beer?" The bartender says, "Sure!" and hands the man a Bud Light. The man drinks the Bud Light and leaves afterward.

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why did the man fall off his bike? He got shot by the navy seals, He was a highly decorated terrorist.

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Whys the Elephant afraid of the mouse? i dont know im not an Zoologist

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What's the difference between Hitler and Stalin? Nothing because pineapples aren't vegetables.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has he.

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knock knock, Whos there ?? Johnny. Come in fish.

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How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 69

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke her face

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What did the disabled boy get on Christmas morning? Cancer.

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knock knock? who's there the stubt double vampire that's going to kill you;0

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Did you hear about the kid-napping in Minnesota? He woke up

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What's the opposite of stupid? diputs

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A man walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic beverage. The bartender serves him and inquires about the man's day. The man says nothing, drinks his beverage, pays his tab and walks out.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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How many women does it take to replace a light bulb? Please advise. Thanks, Holly

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Why did the boy take the train to school? Because he lived quite far away.

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Why couldn't the mexican get a job? He was seven.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him, "Would you like a drink?". The horse cannot understand english and is confused by its surroundings. The horse gallops out of the bar knocking over a few stools

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What do you call a guy who has no experience flying a plane? Suicidal

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what do you call a bear with socks on A bear with socks on

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I had an Anti-joke but i forgot it.

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Why didn't Susie's dad come home on time? He was dragged into a dark alley, then stabbed in the eye. When his body was found 2 days later, Susie couldnt stand the loss and hung herself the day after her father was found.

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My penis is big... not.

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A little girl had a sleepover with her friends. They watched a movie, then went to bed at a reasonable time. /

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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