Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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why did the boy and girl go under the covers together? because they were cold

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What can fly for only a short period? A jumper.

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*Knock knock! "Who's there?" "Jehovah's witness" .....

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Knock Knock Who's There? Bill Bill Who? Builder

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What's black and can't climb trees? A parking lot

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Scenario: A man is being mugged in an alley Mugger: Give me your wallet! I have a gun! Victim: You don't have the balls. Mugger: Oh yeah! I have 3 balls! Victim: Well I have 2, you should probably get that checked.

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism. "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "I already asked ''Banana who?'' Is that your real name? Who is this really?" "Knock Knock." "You are upsetting me. I am calling the police now. Please get off my property."

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What do a gas and a liquid have in common? Nothing

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Where do you find a dog? At a pet store.

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I was looking out the window on a Sunday morning. The coffee was fresh, and the air was moist. I had recieved a phone call last night on the contents of a briefcase that was to be left on my front door today. The explination was vague, and I was told to enjoy my last day. Then I died.

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"Is this the Krusty Krab?" "Yes. What would you like to order?"

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a woman came back from a long vacation, one of her male employes noticed that her breast were much larger, "wow, did you get a boob job?" he asked. she replied "no i have breast cancer"

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Why would you call a child douche bag? Cause they're sterile

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If the best things in life are free, whats the hardest things in life? Death.

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how do u get a blonde to stay away from her credit card... i dont know im blonde

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whats small and looks funny? A baby with a penis sewed to its face.

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How many Jews can you fit in an ashtray? None

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Mark Twain, Jesus, and Bill Gates are sitting at a bar. Someone messed with the space time continuum again.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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what do you give a little girl with no legs and no arms for christmas...................cancer

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What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

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What's black, white and red all over? A nun in a blender

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It couldn't handle the stress and pressure of being a duck so it committed suicide by crossing a road and therefor being run over by a car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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