What did batman say to robin before getting into the bat mobile? Don't touch my penis.

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Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender? A: None. It is a sick and depraved act that is probably illegal anyway.

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Two blondes are out for a walk when they come across some tracks, they realise they are train tracks and move out of the way to make sure they aren't hit by a train.

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Okay, but cut me some slack here, its not as straight forward as it sounds, I got at least twice as many active synapses as other people do, that means twice the thought process, in video games I can for example remember twice the commands, and such. Sadly this does not mean that I can think twice as fast or twice as smart, but rather that I do so involuntarily in short spans, until I burn myself out. So be a bit nice to me, when I say that I have since I was a kid used about 2.5-7.5 mg valium, this is just because my thought process works so fast I burn out because well, I got the processor, but it burns out, excuse me my wife needs some help with her cellphone, see you soon

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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!". The grasshopper turns and says "You've got a drink named Steve?"

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pauls tuck

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How do you make an anti joke? You ask a question that could have a presumably amusing answer, but make the joke less amusing by stating an obvious answer, therefore completely bamboozling the victim of the anti joke, and making you seem like a man that has a lot of common sense.

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What do Texans call cows? Cows. Calling them almost anything else would be utterly illogical.

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Q: How do you make a clown frown? A: Hit it with an ax.

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"Want to hear something ironic?" ...he said to the deaf man.

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How do you stop your child from picking his nose? Cut his hands off

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Roses? are red Violets are blue, Kangaroos like Oranges, Poems suck, Refrigerator.

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Okay, one second.

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how do you stop a speeding vehicle? throw a refrigerator at it.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? I don't know it really depends on the car, usually about 2 in the front, 3 in the back and... That's about it

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what is a bike without wheels? not a bike.

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There's two homosexuals having sex in the back of a van...........they're over 21 what's wrong with that!

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whats worse than forgetting your lunch at home? getting diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

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They see me rolling' Up my sleeves for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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What's the same between a mole and an eagle? They both live underground, except for the eagle.

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A man is at a party. He gets hungry so he waits in the foodline and then he gets some food. Then he has to go to the bathroom so he waits in the bathroomline and goes to the bathroom. Then he is thirsty so he goes to get some punch and realizes that there is no punchline.

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

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Why did the Mexican jump the fence? Because he didn't feel like walking around the house to the side where the gate was to get out of the backyard

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How many of amanda todd's frinds does it take to change a lightbulb? Trick question, she doesn't have any

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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