whats orange, green and has a treadmill attached to it? a cantaloupe, i lied about the treadmill.

What is pink, female and has two dicks? A mother with two sons, both called Richard.

lipstick pig

What do the words lightbulb and lightweight have in common? The word light is in both words. Other than that absolutely nothing.

Why is there a dead pakistani on my couch? Because someone put him there.

Look at mine!............................. ............................. ....................... ............................. ................... ..........................._,-~"¯¯"~-, ............................. ..................... ................__„-~"¯¯:::,-~~-,_::::"- ............................. ..................... ..........„~"¯::::::::::::::"::::::::::::::::::::::\ ............................. ..................... .__„„„-"::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-, ............................. .............__-~"::,-':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::~-, ...........................__ _____~"___-~"::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::: :: :::::::::::"-, ......................,~"::::::::::::::¯¯::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,: | ....................:/:::::::::::::::::__-~":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_,-~":'\'-,:\:|:\|::\|\::\:| ...................,'::::::::,-~~"~"_::',::|::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :: :::,~ ':\'-,::',"-\::'':"::::::::\|:|/ ..............._,-'"~----":::/,~"¯"-:|::|::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,~"::\'-,:\;;'-';;;;;;;;;;;,-'::\::|/ ............,-'::::::::::::::::'-\~"O¯_/::,'::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-',::\'-,:|::";;;;;;;;;;;;,-':\:'-,::\ ............|:::::::::::::::::-,_'~'::::,-'::,':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-':\'-,:\'-,';;';;;;;;;;;;;;;,-':\:::'\-,|'' ............|::,-~"::::::::::::::"~~":::,-'::::::::::::::::::::::::_,-~':\'-,|:"'";;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'¯::'-,:',\| .........../::/::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_,„-~"¯\:\'-,|;''-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'--,::\-:\:\| ........./::::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-';;'-';;;;',/;\/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-,|:::\-,:|\|..\| ......./:::::::\:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-~'''("-,\:::|\:|::'' ......,':::::::,'::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :,-'/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,--'::::::/"~' .....,'::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,„-~"::|;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'::::::::,'::::/ ..../:::::::::|:::::::::::::„---~~""¯¯¯::',:::::,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,'::::::::: :: |_,-' ..,'::::::::::::",:,-~"¯::::::::"-,::::::::::|:::/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,':::::::|::::,' ./:::::::::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::::\:::|¯¯¯"""~-,~,_/::::::::,':::/ ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,_::|::\: : : : : : |: : \::::::::/:/ ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::",:::::::::::::"-':::\: : : : : : |: : :\::::::\ ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::",:::::::::::::: ::::\: : : : : : \: : : |:::::;;\ ::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::::::::::::",:::::::::::::::/|\ ,: : : : : : : |::::,'/|::::| :::::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::::::::::::"-,_::::::::::\|:/|,: : : : : : : |::: |'-,/|:::| ::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,_::::::::::::::"~-,_:::"-,/|/\::::::::::: \::: \"-/|::| :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,__:::::::::::',"-,:::"_|/\:|\: : : : \::\":/|\| ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,_:::::\:::\:::"~/_:|:|\: : : '-,\::"::,'\ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"-,_:'-,::\:::::::"-,|:||\,-, : '-,\:::|-'-„ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::,-,'"-:"~,:::::"/_/::|-/\--';;\:::/: ||\-, :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :/...'-,::::::"~„::::"-,/_:|:/\:/|/|/|_/:| :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: |......"-,::::::::"~-:::::""~~~"¯:::| :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: |........."-,_::::::::::::::::::::::::::::/ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\ .............."~--„_____„„-~~"

What do you call an African American on the moon? An astronaut

Why did Helen Keller always ride in the passenger seat? so she could SUCK THE DRIVERS D!CK!!!!!!!!!

A biology teacher walks into a bar. "Ouch," he says. "I bet I just lost some brain cells. I wonder if any of them were going through mitosis..."

What did the over-baring Chinese couple say to their son who got an A- in algebra? How do I know? I don't speak Chinese!

What is the defference between an apple and a banana? Horses, because vests have no sleeves.

Jesus once got nailed to a cross, beaten and gave his life in order to prove he was immortal. Safe to say, people remain impressed even 2000 years later. Moral: Lol, hey, its quite a feat, but what life did he give if he was immortal? Jesus is a okay dude though, he stole donkeys from stables (for transport) and when his disciples asked if stealing was bad he replied: God will provide for them. Awesome.

What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are people, and are a nation and ethnoreligious group originating in the Israelites or Hebrews of the Ancient Near East. A pizza on the other hand is an Italian dish made up of cheese, bread sauces and multiple toppings.

Q: Why is there a crack in the liberty bell? A:Because someone droped it and it broke

What do you call a pool filled with black people? A pool

What's the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs taste better in stews.

whats more annoying than being raped by a giant scorpian? finding out that half the anti-jokes are terrible

What's red, green, and goes about 200 mph A fire hidrent I lied about the green and the 200 mph

Wanna hear a joke? The WNBA

knock, knock whos there child molestor

what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? we will never know he never opened it

WHAT'S LESS THAN 0? FIONN'S DIGNITY AFTER HENRY'S

What has 9 arms and sucks? Def lepeord

Why are lizards broke? Because they run around the desert with no money...

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...