Eats shoots and leaves Pandas. If you can't figure this out then you're probably 12

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If you see a fat man, what do you say to him? Hopefully nothing mean, seeing as that would be demoralizing to the fat man.

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Why couldn't the mexican buy a boat? Because he couldn't afford it

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Why do Eskimos build igloos? Because it is the most practical form of habitation for their climate zone, lifestyle, and availability of materials.

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roses are red violets are blue i have a big dick unlike you

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A couple was arguing about how the man was cheating and he was in "The Doghouse". There clever son pointed out that they didn't own a dog.

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what's brown and sticky? a stick.

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4 people: A pilot, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a little kid, are all on an airplane with only 3 parachutes, when the plane's engine explodes and starts to go down. But the pilot makes an emergency landing at a nearby airport and everybody is okay.

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Yo Mama is so white, people call her caucasian.

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How do you get a clown off of a swing? Hit him with an ax.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't.

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Human: "Panda get off that slide! Your a panda, you don't understand gravity!" Panda: g=9.81 m/s squared. Human: Oh, I see, carry on.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Grass is red. OH SHIT THE GARDENS ON FIRE!

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Who could be happier than a kid at a candyshop? A necrophiliac in a morgue

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Did you know that if you get all your intestines, and laid it out across the floor in a line, you would die?

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What's the difference between a jew and a jew? They both died in the gas chamber.

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Why did thw chicken cross the road? Because his parents died.

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What do you do if you see an alien landing? This depends entirely on the circumstances under which the landing takes place. It also depends on the observed nature of the alien,but given the high unlikelihood of this occurrence, one may be safe in the knowledge that he or she will never have to deal with such a mental state of stress.

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Why does the groom wear a black tux? Because he knows a funeral when he sees one.

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What does a bird and a human have in common? They both use long, hard sticks.

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What did Hellen Keller name her dog? Her parents named it Spot; Hellen Keller isn't able to speak due to her handicapped muteness.

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What is white, sticky and tastes great? Milk

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Sometimes sentences just don't end the way that you think they potato

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There once was a man from Nantucket... Who was fiscally responsible.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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