A man accidentally chops his thumb off while preparing his dinner for the night. He immediately calls an ambulance and has his thumb preserved which is later reattached back onto his hand. He then continues his dream career as a solo pianist.

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What do you call the people that ride on the upper level of a double decker bus? Passengers.

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Why did the black man cross the road? To show the chicken that it isn't that hard.

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What does Helen Keller order at McDonalds? Food.

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knock, knock whos there child molestor

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Q: what do you call a man that see's a unicorn A: hallucinating

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My mom told me to shut up because I was screaming as I was strangled.

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How would you punish Helen Keller? Make her read a basketball.

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Just finished taking a huge $hit, wiped my ass, then realized I wasn't done.

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There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

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What does a person and a tree have in common? You can knock them down if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.

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What do you call a woman with no arms or legs that fell off a boat fucked

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are people, and are a nation and ethnoreligious group originating in the Israelites or Hebrews of the Ancient Near East. A pizza on the other hand is an Italian dish made up of cheese, bread sauces and multiple toppings.

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Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

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What did Abraham Lincoln say to his slaves? Nothing, Abraham Lincoln had no slaves.

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the girl crossed a road to shoot a black van. she shot the sherrif.

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What moos like a cow? Another cow

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When life gives you lemmons Give lemmons Life

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What happens when you shoot a giraffe? It dies.

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Two blondes walk into a building......you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

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Q. what does a metal slinkey and a retarded person have in common? A. you will smile watching one fall down the steps

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Q:What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A:I like your shoelaces!

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Im black

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Hey, I'm Schrödinger, and this is crazy! But here's a sealed box... the cat lives, maybe...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops