Pull my finger. Not right now. I'm watching The Price is Right.

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Whats worse than bitting into a apple and finding a worm? Being the worm who just lost nearly half his whole house because some jerk decided to eat an apple on the ground, whom after eating the apple destroyed the worms self-esteem by making the comparison to the worse thing possible. Or being raped by Zeus in the form of a worm.

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toast points

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If I threw a regular snowball at a random snowman, would my action directly result in the increase of the snowman's size or would it rather have caused to snowball to become substantially larger in succession? Only a few people could answer that question. Not all of us are actually philosophy aficionados after all.

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http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popular/a-paper-cut-is-a-trees-last-revenge

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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knock knock whos there? knock knock whos there knock knock you final decide to open the door to find a deaf man needing directions.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the car? Get in the car.

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How many dead babies can you fit in my car? None, I don't allow anyone to put dead babies in my car.

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What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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A very unattractive girl bent over in front of me. I proceeded to be sick, and then I choked on my sick. I died. My family mourn my death every day.

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What did the man say to the duck? Nothing ducks don't talk.

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A random guy walks into your house and says hi. You say SHUTUP

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Trashcan!

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Fine, Nero7 made sure I got to a safe place at least. My code is "Eliza", that is all, please provide me with whatever information you can regarding what happened, and while I read you are not shy of graphical detail, I ask that you keep it lightly, Nero7 meant much to me, please. -"Veronica.

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Why couldn't the white child dunk the basketball? His legs were amputated and he has been confined to a wheelchair.

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A girl asked for lip balm. She put some on and her lips exploded.

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Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your landlord. Get the hell out.

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A man walks into a bar. The bar is closed and the man is a thief. The police are promptly called in fear that the situation may become increasingly dangerous.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Hit by a bus Why did the bus driver drop his coffee? He hit the boy

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Why is six afraid of seven? Seven is a rapist.

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How do you teach a black guy to swim? You sign him up for swimming lessons.

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Why didn't the giraffe go to the zoo party? He didn't receive an invitation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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