How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the man fall down? Because he was pushed of a 5 story building

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Someone threw a cigarette at me today... What a fag.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

bill: HEY! your moma so fat bob:so i dont care shes gonna die soon anyway

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was Jimmy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew?... Never mind, that was a stupid question.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There is no I in Pie except for the I

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats black and white and red all over????? a zebra who got shot

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Where can you find elephants? That depends on where you leave them.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

You know what really pisses me off? When I drink too much coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man walks into a bakery and buys a doughnut. He then starts to drive home when he realised that he'd forgoten to eat the doughtnut and has to returne to do so.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldnt she get up? She had no legs. Knock Knock. Whos There? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Little Justin's bike has a flat tire has a flat tire. He asks his dad to inflate it. "Sure Justin I can fix that for you." Said his father. But he overinflates the tire, causing the tire to explode and ignite the chemicals. The house burns to the ground, killing Justin and his parents. The fire then spreads and the hole city burns. 50,000 people die.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

FIONN'S LIFE

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I really don't care how you dress at my funeral, I'll be dead!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

SCENES WHEN TOM O'SHEA GETS STABBED IN PRISON AFTER STEALING THE WHEELS OFF AN AMBULANCE

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Howdid we get copper piping we put a Pennie between two Jules

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Andy Carrol

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the paraplegic roll his wheelchair up a steep hill? Because he's crippled.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

my great great grandpa ryan the rattlesnake had a cat named dog-

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A woman walks into the kitchen to make a sandwich because she is hungry and she likes sandwiches.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops