What did Bear Grylls say to the dead whale? Mmmm.

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"Knock Knock" "Whos there?" "Interrupting kid with ADHD" *I did not respond, as I knew he would interrupt me before I was able to finish the sentence.*

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What did the peanut say to the jelly

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Kumquats Daffodils Alka-Seltzer Serendipity Dewey Decimal System Buccaneer Avuncular Pantaloons Weasels Alligator Chewbacca Sasquatch

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When I exited the hospital one day, I spotted a sign saying "Come back soon!" Soon afterwards I saw people protesting to ban dihydrogen monoxide. The next day on tv I saw an ad for a solar powered lightbulb. Then I saw a Gun control poster. I cried, this being the dumbest thing I had seen yet, and the world was certainly doomed due to humanity's general stupidity. I saw a chicken crossing a packed road. Why did the chicken feel the urge to cross the road?

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"Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it; I tried to be chill, but then I realized that when used as an adjective, 'chill' refers to the temperature." -Jason Mraz

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Why was the girl crying? Because she was brutally raped

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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!

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whats the dif...mexicans are gay

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

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Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: Because he had brain cancer.

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Your mother's so fat, her blood type was Ragu

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1 fish 2 fish red fish wait why is the fish red , oh I forgot I killed it

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How do you get 100 illegal immigrants into a furnace? Tell 'em it's England.

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I created darkness. God created the stars. God created the bee. I created the wasp. God created the child. I banged your mother. Moral: Soon my wings of darkness shall destroy your very own star, these words seem empty now, so I will fill them with true meaning and purpose as I will give the same to you the day the sky brightens no more.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wioFUrwny1c

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Illumati Confirmed

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Q: Why did the policeman stare at the big-breasted victim? A: She was dead.

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what do you call someone who hates jews anti semitic

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Why are Ethiopians so fast? Because antelope are also very fast.

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Knock! Knock! Who's There? The Police. Open the damn door. Nobody Is Home.

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women's rights

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whats worse than having your sextape leaked to the media? not being a kardashian when it happens.

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John: Hey Pablo why are you standing outside Home Depot. Pablo: Because I work here.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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