Doctor, doctor, I just swallowed a roll of film! That was an incredibly foolish and dangerous thing for you to do. I would be surprised if you survived another day before the chemicals corrode your stomach lining and release hydrofluoric acid throughout your body causing sepsis.

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A man walks into a bar. Except its a metal bar, and he fractures his skull on it. He died in the hospital a few hours later

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

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How many jews can fit into a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 6 million in the ash tray

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What did the sushi say to the bee? Nothing, a piece of sushi can't talk and a bee wouldn't listen, stupid.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms

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If a bear was mad he would be beary angry.

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Why does Mario wear coveralls? Because it makes practical sense for his full time job as a plumber.

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Snarf Nuggets

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I want to stick ma dick in a big bowl o puddin'

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Why wasn't the drunk driver arrested when he killed a man? Because he died as well.

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A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

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Why Can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Polite cow who recognizes normal social cues and civilly waits for its turn to contribute to a conversation. Polite cow who recognizes normal social cues and civilly waits for its turn to contribute to a conversation who? Moo.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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My mom always said it was fun to jump into a pile of leaves... That was before she was devoured by a 10 ft. scorpion.

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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of poop. The Mexican is a human the bucket of poop is an object filled bodily wastes.

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Once upon a time there was a nice old man who loved to ride his bike... He unfortunately died when he had a heart attack.

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How many pancakes does it take to fill up a doghouse? None, because ice cream doesn't have bones.

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a black man kills a family member of a mexican guy. the mexican guy goes to the police, what happens? The mexican guy gets deported back to his country after they realize that he was illegal

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Q: Why is the Universe so big? A: Because it is the same size as my penis.

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Women's rights

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i drive all the time its no big deal open the door and get behind the wheel

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops